Got lost again...

what kind of english is that? let's look at some famous examples of each.

Hwæt. We Gardena in geardagum, / þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon, / hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon. <- this is old english. note that it is unintelligible to a modern english speaker. (excerpt from beowulf)

Whan zephirus eek with his sweete breeth / Inspired hath in every holt and heeth / Tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne / Hath in the ram his halve cours yronne … <- this is middle english. it is more intelligible, but it’s still very different from what we speak now. (excerpt from the canterbury tales)

Is this a dagger which I see before me, / The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. / I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. / Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible / To feeling as to sight? <- this is early modern english. this is so intelligible that we trust teenagers to read it in school. (excerpt from macbeth)

the english you are using to give a post a medieval or renaissance/shakespearean vibe is early modern english, not old english. (it's fine that you're using early modern english for a medieval vibe; no one expects you to learn middle english for a silly post about knights.)

how do you use pronouns?

'thou' is the informal second-person singular pronoun.

thou/thee/thy/thine

thou is the nominative form. you can use it for the subject of a sentence -> thou knowest me.

thee is the oblique form. you can use it for the object of a sentence -> i know thee.

thy and thine are the genitive forms. you can use them as possessive adjectives for nouns starting with consonants and vowels respectively. -> thy leg is broken. thine arm is broken too.

thine is also the possessive form. think about it like the word 'mine'*. -> my heart was once thine.

*'mine' is also used like thine as a possessive adjective in early modern english; you would say 'mine art' instead of 'my art'

ye and you

originally, 'ye' was the formal or plural nominitive second-person pronoun, and 'you' was the oblique form. so, it would be 'ye know me' and 'i know you'. 'ye' fell out of use and was replaced by 'you'. at that point it was already used as singular. but it was still much more formal than 'thou'.

the 'ye' you see in 'ye olde shoppe' stuff is not this pronoun. it is the way that printers who no longer had a thorn (þ) wrote the word 'the' (previously 'þe'). the 'y' in certain typefaces looked like a thorn, so we got 'ye' for 'the'.

how do you conjugate a verb?

you can't just slap a -th or -st onto the end of any verb. those are for specific conjugations. phrases like "i hath noticed" or "he thinkest that" are not grammatically sound. it's like saying "i has noticed" or "he think that".

the -st or -est ending is for (most) present and past tense verbs conjugated with 'thou'

some examples: thou canst, thou couldst, thou sayest, thou goest, thou wentest, thou hast, thou hadst, thou dost (or doest).

'thou' also has a few irregulars. some examples: thou wilt, thou art and thou wast (for 'to be'), thou shalt.

the -th or -eth ending is for (most) present and past tense conjugated with 'he', 'she', or 'it'

some examples: he hath, she sayeth, it doth, he goeth, she thinketh, it moveth

there are, of course, irregulars. the most important one is 'to be', which conjugates the same for this set as it does in modern english.

note: not every verb conjugates this way. for example, past tense verbs might use auxiliary verbs. so, not 'she cookedeth', but 'she did cook'.

by and large, the 'i', 'we', 'you' (or 'ye'), and 'they' conjugations were the same as they are today.

there were also some verbs that were used differently than we use them today, though (some of these fell out of use over the early modern period):

to be -> sometimes this verb is used instead of 'to have' as the auxiliary verb. 'i am arrived' means 'i have arrived', and 'she is come to see thee' means 'she has come to see you'.

to do -> sometimes this is used for the present progressive (i think that's the right name for it). 'he does speak' means 'he is speaking', and 'i do write' means 'i am writing'.

would -> this can be used to express a desire. 'i would i were a bird' means 'i wish i were a bird'

must -> this can be used without 'go' to mean 'must go'. 'i must to england' means 'i must go to england'

will -> this can be used without 'have' to mean 'will have'. 'you'll none of that' means 'you will have none of that'

there are a million other things i'm not covering, like different sentence structures for questions ('thinkest thou...?' as a valid alternative to 'dost thou think...?'), and different contractions ('she'll not' rather than 'she won't') but this post is long as fuck and i have things to do! enjoy! linguists, feel free to correct me on what name of tenses or declensions or whatever i have mixed up.

'wherefore' = 'why', not 'where'. think about it pairing with 'therefore'. an example of the two in use:

'my love, wherefore didst thou pretend to see me not?' [babe, why did you pretend not to see me?]

'thy father, from whom we do keep our love hidden, did at that moment walk nearby. therefore i turned from thee that he might not espy us together' [we're keeping our relationship secret from your dad and he was walking by. i did it so he wouldn't see us together.]

'hither' = 'to here', not 'here'. there's a whole set of these, actually. 'whither' = 'to where' and 'thither' = 'to there'. these pair with 'hence' ('from here'), 'whence' ('from where'), and 'thence' ('from there'). an example of some of these in use:

'whence came you?' [where did you come from?]

(pointing to the left) 'thence came i hither.' [i came here from there.]

'and whither go you now?' [and where are you going now?]

(pointing to the right) 'my lord calls me thither.' [my boss is calling me over there]

'very well. get you hence.' [alright, get away from here.]

'whom' ≠ fancy 'who' and this one is just also true today.

'whom' works for the object of a sentence. 'who' is for the subject. in other words, 'whom' receives the action and 'who' does the action.

'whom wrote that letter to you?' -> incorrect! this should be 'who wrote that letter to you?' because 'who' is doing the action.

'whom did you write that letter to?' (or even better, 'to whom did you write that letter?') -> correct! 'whom' here is receiving the action.

This man is Nigel Farage, UK politician and world-class racist asshole. Along with former prime minister Boris Johnson, Nigel here was one of the main proponents of Brexit, a catastrophic policy decision that tanked the British economy and was fueled primarily by racist anti-immigrant bullshit. In 2024, he was elected as the MP (Member of Parliament) for Clacton, representing the far-right Reform UK party. Reform is currently trying to siphon right wing voters away from the mainstream Conservative party (aka the Tories).

Just before his election in 2024, Farage received 5 million pounds from Christopher Harborne, a crypto billionaire who has also made significant contributions to the Reform party, and did not disclose it to the appropriate authorities. In May, Parliament began an independent standards investigation into Farage's finances. If the investigation were to proceed and find him guilty, the most likely outcome would be that he would be suspended from Parliament. Then his constituency, Clacton, would have the opportunity to sign a recall petition, and if 10% of voters sign, Farage would be removed and there would be a by-election (similar to a special election in the US) for his seat.

But instead of waiting the investigation out, on July 7th, Farage chose to resign from his seat, which would pause the investigation and force a by-election prematurely, in which he would stand as the candidate for Reform. Farage claims he did this to let the people of Clacton decide whether he's innocent or guilty and to "stick two fingers up at the entire establishment." The problem with that logic is that if Farage wins, the investigation will start right back up again, meaning there's a possibility for a second by-election if he's found guilty and the people of Clacton want him out. Farage and Reform seem to have been gambling that if he won the first by-election (which he was likely to at the time), the constituency wouldn't sign onto the recall petition because they would consider the matter already settled. This would get him off scot-free, and a competitive by-election would help push the argument that Reform is a viable alternative to the Tories.

Enter Count Binface, an intergalactic space warrior and leader of the Recyclons from planet Sigma IX. Count Binface (and his predecessor, Lord Buckethead) have run in elections all across the UK, including against almost all of the Prime Ministers of the last decade. Some of his policies include building at least one affordable house, nationalizing Adele, conscripting people who use speakerphones on public transportation, forcing bicyclists who disobey traffic laws to ride unicycles, and moving the hand dryer in the men's bathroom at the Crown and Treaty Pub in Uxbridge to a more sensible location. According to an actual news interview with actual journalists, Count Binface was on his way back to Sigma IX after the Makerfield by-election (story for another time), but he turned his spaceship around to run in Clacton when the by-election was announced. In announcing his candidacy, he encouraged the other major parties to stand down.

And then they did. Within 24 hours of Farage resigning, every single major party, on every side of the aisle, went "LMFAO nope." They all agreed that they wouldn't stand in this by-election, but if Farage were to be re-elected and found guilty, they would run in the second by-election if the people of Clacton wanted there to be one. Which is how you get this excellent tweet from then-Chancellor Rachel Reeves, announcing her decision to let the by-election go through:

(I had to look this up: Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead is a made-up position that allows MPs to resign in the middle of their term.)

So at this point, Farage is basically fucked. His goals with this by-election were to settle the court of public opinion and to strengthen Reform, both of which were predicated on this election being competitive. Reform is currently trying to paint the other parties as not taking the people Clacton seriously and have even tried to paint Count Binface as the "mainstream establishment candidate," but in all likelihood that will fail. Farage will still likely win (though the support for Count Binface is apparently growing stronger in Clacton, especially since the media is being forced to take him seriously), but the likelihood that he survives is slim.

Lmao not “Incel Camino”