Spamaliscious

who wanna come over and have floor time

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

underrated ship dynamic is 'they deserve each other /derogatory'

dead wife montage but it's a henchman reminiscing about da boss after he got put six feet under. picking flowers before hiding the bodies, wiping cocaine from your nose after a big night, that long drive down the beach to find the bookie who squealed. where did the days go

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

Those sick fucks at Ocean Spray will mix anything with a cranberry

Don’t worry I’m vaccinated and neutered

And those nice ladies at the front desk will put me in a funny cardboard box if you don’t have a carrier to take me home in

*holds you in my mouth perfectly safe between my sharp teeth bc i love you*

Safe in the jaws of mama