Danielle L. Stewart

The person behind Twitter handle iSmashFizzle tweets: "Having anxiety is not my fault, I know that, but it often makes me feel like I will never be the kind of person I want to be."  iSmashFizzle better known as Ashley C Ford is a writer and the words she wrote today reminded me of how much I wish my mental health was a lot more stable. Stable enough for me to do the things I want to do and stop the extensive amount of overthinking. Say the words I wish to say as oppose to not saying anything or every thought coming out in a slur, hoping that the person listening will understand. Not having to force myself to be strong in times when everything around me is a blur as I try to stifle the hyperventilation escalating inside my body. My battle with anxiety now is a tad bit easier than before. Now & again I suffer a few minor panic attacks during public but people are too caught up in their conversations to notice what's happening around them. I find that a good thing because in situations like these, the last thing I want is for me to be noticed.

Dear over-thinkers, try to think of the best case scenarios instead of the worst.

Every inch of my being has been ripped to shreds these past couple of days. & I can't help but think there's a light at the end of this tunnel. One of the brightest I've ever seen. I can't fathom how this much misery could lead me along a road of emptiness.

There are things we can't control & there are things we can. We can't choose whether or not the rain falls heavily on a day we'd preferred it to be sunny. We however can take along an umbrella, just in case. Thus allowing our day of unexpected showers to suck a bit less. We can't control the way others treat us but we can become conscious of a pattern & realize those persons are better off on the outside of our lives. I've settled with an out-dated version of myself. I've desired for so long that perfectly-imperfect life. Not having that now or not being able to envision that in the near future throws me off balance.The vacancies & voids in my life are hampering my emotions & movement. I'm doing nothing to barricade those interferences. I think they are some phases we need to go through alone but they are some that requires other people. But I feel as though venting my thoughts & feelings about certain situations within a conversation will leave me feeling empty. I don't where I go from here but I do know where I want to be.