I'll go to bed someday

i have GOT to pee more

THIS IS A UTI POST NOT A PEE FETISH POST THIS TIME

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point

repeat after me: people don’t notice the little details. i’m going to get away with it. people don’t notice the little details. i’m going to get away with it.

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there

anti abortion propaganda that tries to like scare you into feeling guilty by reminding you that the fetus has body parts are so funny. "uwu please don't abort me I have eyes at 4 weeks old 🥺" nice try sucker I don't care if you see it coming

yes, babe, you’re sick and twisted, will you come back to bed- what? yes, of course you’re evil and irredeemable. now can you please cuddle with me

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*