Hermits United

when you’re out at a restaurant or a coffee shop or a target or whatever with your friends and you overhear/eavesdrop the same snippet of some stranger’s conversation, and you look at each other for a second to check that you both heard this stranger say the same weird/funny/baffling thing and just break out in knowing grins and quiet laughter… that’s a love language

GRRRRRRRR I don't WANT to confirm my email address! I HATE confirming my email address! *rips the door off my fridge*

Math jokes aren’t funny. nothing about math is funny. math is a sin

You guys are dangerously close to realizing specifically what kinds of people they keep from voting and why.

on this day, 7 yrs ago, bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz

on this day, 8 years ago, bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz

on this day, 9 years ago, bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz

on this day, a decade ago, bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz

on this day, 12 years ago, bruno mars was surprised to see pete wentz

Dude, if you can’t handle a FULLY clothed woman who happens to have some rear curves then buddy, YOU are the problem here. Grow up

trying to talk to men’s dumb asses be like

Due to a tumblr glitch the last gif didn’t load for me and was replaced for ages with a big black square and tbh I just assumed she killed him

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought "why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff," so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It's alright if you can't because apparently I fuckin couldn't either

Cutting something out of your life because you think you don't need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let's say public health and the social safety net and vaccines

Me, making all the crows at my work a bunch of little friendship bracelets: hehe accessory to murder

you can press both! they’re a compotent badass who got blindsided by an unforseable turn, which hurt them as well as the folks around them, causing them to need comforting and reassurance by loved ones!

There is literally nothing stopping me from just getting a one way ticket someplace right now and not coming back for months

Money

Okay I forgot capitalism exists ignore me