Not Much of a Knowledge Guy

Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.

This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it

Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life

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Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog

Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?

Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose

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Caah: and this person asked you for money?

Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"

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Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *

Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..

Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny

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Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?

Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is

the path of wisdom is sometimes to hire a plumber.

…and the vet was like, “You know the thing with geriatric cats is—” and I was like, “What do you mean, geriatric?! It’s a little baby, look at her!" Kumail Nanjiani: Night Thoughts (2025)

how‘s the water?

you‘re in it

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

1. dried beans and rice are infinitely cheaper than the canned/microwave stuff. just wash, soak (in the case of beans!), cook, and you’re done!

2. on that note, beans and rice, when eaten together, make a complete protein that is easily digestible by your body. if it comes down to it, you can live off that alone for a good long while.

3. when shopping, prioritize ingredients over premade meals. a frozen pizza is just one pizza, but flour, tomato sauce, and cheese can make many pizzas.

4. dry pantry goods will get infested if you’re not careful. adding a dried bay leaf to dried beans, rice, flour, etc. works wonders for keeping out weevils and other nasty stuff. adding a few drops of peppermint oil to a spray bottle filled with water will keep mice away if you spray it on your baseboards, too.

5. canned veggies is veggies. canned fruit is fruit. you ain’t too good for it, so get those micronutrients if you can.

6. potatoes are super nutritionally dense and a good source of fiber. use them to stretch meals. just don’t store them next to onions because they’ll sprout way faster.

7. coupon clip like a crazy person, and get ready to use the math skills you swore to leave behind in high school. saving pennies starts with getting the most for your dollar. if all cabbages are $1.00, get the biggest cabbage you can find. if tomato sauce is cheaper by the ounce in a quart jar compared to a pint jar, get the quart if you can. be smart with how you spend.

8. lentils are a great way to stretch any kind of ground meat. they’re really cheap and if you’re like me and can’t cut meat out of your diet completely for health reasons, they help it last a lot longer.

9. portion control is so key. if a meal is meant to make four servings, make it last four servings. it’s better to be a little hungry four days in a row than stuffed for two and starving for two. weigh it out if you have to.

11. Bullion cubes tend to be real cheap and making things into a soup is a great way to make small portions feel bigger. A serving of beans and rice doesn’t feel like much but when you add a bullion cube and some hot water now suddenly that’s soup and you’ve got a big bowl full + extra flavor

12. If you’re diabetic or insulin resistant and suddenly faced with eating lots of carbs because they’re what’s cheap and available pre cook your food then chill it!! Starches in most everything from potatoes to rice to bread will change form when cooked and then cooled. They start converting to resistant starch and our body basically processes them like fiber instead of like carbs, so you can lower the glycemic index of your rice by quite a bit if you cook it then freeze it overnight before thawing and eating. Is it perfect? No but it helps!

13. Frozen fruit and vegetables can also be a great and less expensive way to get your fruit and veg. Canned is often cheaper but do the price-per-ounce math and check! Grocery stores near me still occasionally do 10 for 10 sales on bags of frozen veg! And if you can get some on sales like that they become a great way to bulk out other foods. Mac n cheese? Add some frozen veg. Hamburger helper? Frozen veg. Top ramen? Frozen veg.