i hope this email finds you a broken husk of a man

Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read ‘HOT DAMN’ in giant letters and those were my aunts vows.

I firmly believe what ever you're obsessed with at 11/12 years old becomes a core part of who you are, regardless if you lose interest in it or not. Maybe some of you were lucky and were obsessed with warrior cats or smth, and if you're real unlucky it was probably twilight.

whoever’s idea it was to introduce trade evolution in pokemon is so not valid

gamefreak thinkin i got friends or something

i love the mbmbam thing where Justin is trying his best to make a joke and travis and griffin just act completely fucking stupid for the entire goddamn bit, and in the end the joke isnt even that funny

"Be sure to pass my complaint along to management." I won't. In fact, I'm going to tell him you left a compliment. Eat ass

"You've lost a customer!" No. No, I wouldn't call this a loss

Ma'am I know this may come as a shock to you but the reason you're unhappy everywhere you go is because every time you go somewhere, you are there. And I can sympathize. Because I'm experiencing this problem right now, too. But together. I believe we can make it through this

Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. I don't care

folk punk music just be like “im too poor to afford a therapist so im going to sing about my trauma over the sound of the jauntiest fucking guitar playing youve ever heard in your goddamn life”

the main response ive gotten to this post in peoples tags has been “and its good” and i just wanted to say that youre right, it really is

Too dumb to be a pure mathematician, also too dumb to be an applied mathematician

i’m gonna start flipping that “yeah sex is good but have you tried [thing that isn’t sex]” joke around i think it’ll be very funny

yeah super mario odyssey is good but have you tried sex

Big mood.

The best part is how you can see he’s trying SO HARD not to laugh here

Tim Curry: I’m escaping to the ONE place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism! [shaky breaths while trying not to smile] sssPACE

The funniest thing about this is that it implies this was the best possible take

Never forget that Jaskier did not know Geralt was a witcher when he blatantly checked him out, swaggered on over him, stealing some liquid courage along the way. “I love the way you just...sit in the corner and brood,” is an absolute tragically classic Jaskier pick up line™️. he didn’t even consider muse material for a hot min. he went over there to get railed that’s just the truth.

Jaskier saw one (1) hot man and lost every brain cell he had ever possessed

my favourite video