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My dad: Guess what!! I just got to a hundred followers!! Me: Good for you, dad My dad: You’re just jealous because my generation is so sick of facebook’s toxicity that we’re taking over tiktok. Me: Anything is better than facebook. I’m proud of you, dad.

Me: *groggy, just woken up, drinking mango juice for breakfast in my room* *Hears something outside my window* Chickens: BAWK bababababababBAWK bawk BAK AWK BAWK My dad: Unice I swear to god if you don’t knock it off RIGHT NOW I’m gonna turn your feathery ass into fried chicken. 

Sometimes life is a difficult thing to manage. Sometimes depression can be hard to recognize, even for someone who’s dealt with it their whole lives. Sometimes it’s okay to be more active for a while than usual. Sometimes it’s okay to take a rest. Sometimes it’s okay to spend 5 dollars on that plant that you think would look pretty on your windowsil. Sometimes it’s okay to spend 5 hours painting things to look like mushrooms for the fairy garden you’re obsessively building to take your mind off of things. Sometimes it’s okay to lay on the couch with your pitbull and watch TV for a few hours. Sometimes it’s okay to spend a few hours staring at your chickens while they roam around the garden and burrow in the dirt. Sometimes things are hard. Sometimes you might not know what to do. But that’s okay, because I feel that way too.

When my dad brought home baby chickens, everyone we ever talked to said to keep our dog far away from them. We hear a lot of negative things about pitbulls being a dangerous breed, but we’ve heard it a lot more since we got our chickens. The sound of Tita braking would scare the chicks the first week we had them. Tita would stick her nose in the brooder to see what all the peeping was, and it would freak out the chicks. But after a week, they were just fine. We let Tita out when we took the baby chicks into the yard for the first time, hoping to introduce them properly. The worst thing she ever did to our chickens? She ‘bapped’ Cluck Noris (aka Nori) on the head with her paw while trying to get her to come closer, sending the baby chick running across the yard. When we first put the run around their chicken coop, Tita stuck her nose against the fencing. And Chickety pecked her nose. And from that point forth, Tita has been nothing but respectful to our birds. She loves it when we let the birds into the yard, because she likes to sniff around the coop- but only if they aren’t there. She also loves to play with the birds. She’ll follow them to no end and try to sniff their bottoms, and when they turn and flap their wings at her she’ll run with them around the yard.  When the chickens sit on my knee, or on the edge of our fire table, Tita will circle nearby and whine for attention. She gets especially jealous if I babytalk Nori. Let the bird sit on my lap, pet her feathers, and tell her she’s a good girl. Tita will stare at me and whimper when I do this because she needs to have equal attention as the birds or she feels left out. Lots of people say that my pitbull is dangerous. And that having other animals while having Tita is a bad idea. But all it took for my pitbull to respect the chickens we welcomed into our family, was a peck on the nose.

So I live in Oregon. So my dad has pot plants. Which isn’t a big deal. I don’t mind them. My dad is really happy with the way they’re growing because this is the first time he’s grown pot plants, because we’ve only lived in a legal state for 2 years.  We also have chickens. And every time we let the chickens graze in the yard and the garden, you’ll see a few feathery butts perched on the edge of the pot plants. They eat the leaves. Whenever my dad de-leafs the plants, he gives them the leaves in their run, and they go crazy for them. I wonder what it is about pot plants that chickens like so much.

Honestly my dad bought 4 chickens on an impulse. My sister then bought a different colored chicken because she wanted to be a part of things. I named my chicken “Cluck Noris” and because my two sisters aren’t here much, and my brother spends most of the time playing video games, I’m the person that socializes with the chickens the most. My favorite way to fuck with my parents is to ‘talk’ to the chickens. Me, sitting on the patio with a chicken on my knee: *weird chicken noises* Cluck Noris: *Stares me dead in the eye* *Loud squaking response* My dad: When the fuck did you learn to speak chicken

Me and a female friend of mine decided to arrange a meetup to see each other because it’s been a while. I haven’t visited a certain park in my city, so she’s asked me to meet up with her there for a picnic. Her: Mom can I take one of my friends to the park? I introduced her to you guys so I assume it’s okay? Her parents: Sure sure okay but you pack separate lunches and don’t go anywhere that’s not the park understand? I don’t want you going anywhere without me knowing. And tell me when you get there and when you’re coming home because I KNOW your friend has a cellphone so use hers. Her: Yes mom.. Me: Dad I’m gonna go have a picnic with a friend of mine on Monday is that cool? I might be up early but I’ll be there by 11 am. My dad: *surprised look* Oh?? what friend Me: Evo? The one I talk to all the time over email My dad: *looks at me with a smirk like he’s trying to hold back a laugh* Mm! Yeah! You can go, I don’t care, go have fun on your little picnic with your friend. I’ll try to put money on your card so you kids can go for ice cream or something. Try not to stay out til dark. Me, internally: *I know you’re giving me that look because you’re 2 minutes away from making a bet with mom about whether or not I’m going to come home and say “I’ve got a girlfriend now” and I’m not gonna hear the end of it on monday* Me: Thanks dad I appreciate it

Me: So I was talking to Evo today and I was telling her about the Pride festival. I’m really hoping that they’re able to do the festival this year even if it’s late Dad: Isn’t Evo the one with the parents that are........traditional Me: Yes dad Dad: Would they even let her go with you? Me: I don’t know they’re really iffy when anything’s brought up about their daughter questioning her sexuality but I think they’re really trying, they do love her Dad: If Pride is open this year are you planning on going? Me: I’m thinking about taking Evo without her parents knowing because I know she’d really enjoy it and I’d like to see the look on her parents faces when I bring her home wearing my rainbow beanie, rainbow mask, a bi flag on my back and my rainbow bandanna around my arm. Dad: *Dad laugh* Good. Good. You do that. If I don’t work I’ll drive you

Dad: Oh my GOD I haven’t seen that in years Me: What? Dad: These drinks where you just dump loads of fruit and unrestrained amounts of alcohol into a bucket. That’s something I did when I was younger. Me: Where’d you see that Dad: These teenagers are doing it on tiktok! I never thought about dumping candy in with the fruit, though *Hands me his phone, showing me a video of people dumping cubed fruit, dozens of packages of sour patch kids/gummy worms/other candies, and huge amounts of alcohol into a cooler* Me: That looks deadly Dad: Oh I’m sure it could kill you

Me: Dad turn your phone down that’s really loud Dad: ShhsShhShhhh I’m bothering your sister Me: You’re bothering me. How are you bothering her? Dad: She kept sending me those makeup tiktoks so now I see them all before her and I send them to her to bother her and she’s mad because she doesn’t understand why I see them all before she does. Me: You’re kidding Dad: It’s kind of annoying because it’s all just makeup stuff but if I play the algorithm for long enough it’ll get me to stoner tiktok and I kind of want to see that Me: Of course you do.

Dad: You’re not gonna BELIEVE this Me: Are you going to show me another tiktok? Dad: No! But I just dont get it. I’ve been seeing a lot of these tiktoks made by trans girls. Me: Yeah? What about them? Dad: People are so mean to these girls! Some of these comments are so hateful. Don’t they know how these algorithms work? Why are they commenting on videos that they don’t want to see? The app is just going to show them more videos of these girls that they keep attacking. Are they stupid? Me: Probably. Dad: Some of these comments? I want to fight these guys. Because they’re just that stupid. Especially the comments that attack the way these girls look. They’re all really pretty, too! I think these guys are just jealous that these trans girls look better than the girls that are forced to settle for these guys. Me: I- Dad: You know I’m right. Me: You are right.

Dad: So you know how I’ve been on TikTok Me: Yeah? its all you do lately. Dad: I’m confused. Me: About what? Dad: There’s all these trumpers on tiktok making really mean comments to these kids making funny videos and I don’t understand it. Me: What do you mean? People make mean comments all the time. Dad: But didn’t Trump try to ban tiktok? Why would the trumpies want to use an app that their leader hates. Me: I mean- . . . You have a point

Dad: These fucking teenagers Me: What are you complaining about now Dad: You know what they’re doing? They made a meme where they go to the Trump website, load their online cart with MAGA merch, and then DONT BUY IT Me: What are you talking about Dad: You don’t understand. When they put it in their carts and dont buy it, it makes the companies that make it hold thousands upon thousands of dollars of materials thinking that they’re gonna get paid for it, which eats up inventory for the people who actually want it. That’s hilarious I don’t know how kids think of this stuff. I love these tiktokers. Me: I think this is the first time you’ve said anything good about people my age.