yerrrrr

im in a dd/dd relationship and we just fucking whip our bed with our belts every night before passing out 

Happy “DAY THAT KRABS FRIES”, everybody

its always "youre cute" and never "you have betwitched me body and soul and i love, love, love you."

what was your almost name? mine was sofia

what is it about pussy that needs ice. like it's a match made in heaven. even if it was in the fridge before i still pour it over ice

so i meant, and fully thought i typed, pepsi

smoking a bowl of who-hash

secret hug techniques to be used only in dire emergencies

reblog w the song lyrics in your head NOW. either stuck in yr head or what yr listening to

my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

Op this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

50 First Doses

You trick Louis? You trick Louis like a common fool? Oh jail, jail for owners ONE MILLION YE-oh what’s this? A treat?