Dean Winchester explaining himself in a nutshell
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if i look back, i am lost
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Not today Justin
cherry valley forever

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@curiouskris
Dean Winchester explaining himself in a nutshell

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jesus, trying to explain to his disciples about his own fate:
Citizens of Pawnee
This is the absolute best post ever. The citizens of Pawnee are my heroes.
Shoutout to the writers at every single theatre news site for making A Very Potter Musical puns off of Darren Criss’ Golden Globe win. Sure, the Assassination of Gianni Versace was good, but the pinnacle of Darren’s career was playing a 12 year old wizard with a chopstick wand and a sharpie lightning bolt scar, and no one is ever going to let him forget it.

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Im not even alive im just collecting data
La pluie de vos injures n'atteint point le parapluie de mon indifférence.
In which Thor is oblivious to all the awkward in the room… [x]
broke: thor doesn’t notice the awkward
woke: thor is so strong and cheerful that he believes he can just steamroller over all the awkward and make it go away
bespoke: thor is perfectly aware of the awkward and very much enjoying it
“HEY LOOK BROTHER IT’S THE LARGE GREEN MAN WHO THREW YOU AROUND IN NEW YORK :D”
#Just a couple of 5 year olds.
#sweetest avenger

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Commissioner Gordon: If I shine this light into the sky, a man dressed like Dracula shows up.
Internal Affairs Investigator: I’m not sure how that’s a good use of tax doll-
Commissioner Gordon: He brings us lots of inadmissible evidence.
Are you fucking kidding me? You know how this would actually go?
Commissioner Gordon: *slaps roof* You know how much overtime I don’t have to pay on account of this bad boy?
Internal Affairs Investigator: Yeah, but still–
Commissioner Gordon: I just turn it on, and instead of paying a whole precinct time-and-a-half to never see their families, a guy dressed as a bat punches whoever we’re looking for a bunch of times and dumps them in the parking lot.
Internal Affairs Investigator: That’s not–
Commissioner Gordon: Sometimes I fire it up just to see who we get. It’s like having a cat that brings you guys with twenty warrants out for their arrest instead of dead birds.
Internal Affairs Investigator: Okay, but you can’t tell people that. Like, we can’t say it out loud.
Commissioner Gordon: So I shouldn’t have told the FBI they could borrow it if they ever feel like clearing their most-wanted list?
humans: awwww the kitty loves the tree look the magic of xmas touches everyone
cat: im gonna eat it
Real life applications of civil procedure
What the Complaint says: Upon information and belief
What the Complaint means: I’m making shit up
“On or about” aka my client either doesn’t remember or I don’t trust them completely
“granting such other and further relief as the court deems just, proper, and equitable ” i.e. let me make sure my client wins whatever a judge is willing to award us even if I haven’t thought of it yet.
I’m going to confer with the other attorneys to get their opinion on your case: I’m going to Google/WestLaw it then advise you
Loki: Allow me. Locks are my specialty.
Loki: *throws brick at the window*
I just remembered I’m supposed to be dressed upish today for judging oral args ugh
I assume this feeling is exactly why judges maintain the robe thing. Are you wearing a dress under the robes? Pajamas? Who knows. It’s a mystery.
I had a hearing last week, and the judge asked me to see her in chambers on an unrelated matter. She took off her robe and was wearing jeans and a sweater. I had never been more jealous

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Why You Never Wear A Red Shirt And Khaki Pants At Target.
Target, where the customers become employees just because they are wearing red
New theory: target doesn’t have actual employees
Ann coulter has said A LOT of really dumb shit, but goddamn this might take the prize…
Note that these “if X, conservatives would win in a landslide” comments always involve restricting who can vote, because they’re all fully aware of the statistical reality that if every single citizen over the age of 18 in the US voted (putting aside even the cases for lowering the voting age or giving voting rights to permanent residents), it would make the Republican party almost totally nationally uncompetitive.
This is deadass a Jim Crow law
I like the “at least 4 grandparents” as if some people have more than 4 grandparents