I DON'T NEED ANY CALMING TEA

one aspect of dishonored i am obsessed with is the abbey of the everyman because unlike many religious bodies, their intention is not to preserve or fawn over some benevolent yet potentially unproven or distant deity. no, their deity of choice is very much proven! and it is their life’s goal to not let his corrupting touch reach any citizen! and they do this with music and maths.

i need to hire someone who can speak to cats to explain to Shams and Noor that they are supposed to be predators. I’m trying to introduce toys that emulate prey (with sound/smell of course so they can track it) so I can get them to play hunt but they’re just like. *pats toy lightly with paws* ‘hmmm interesting. i dig. a friend perhaps?’ and i’m like nooooooo it’s your prey you’re supposed to chase it! i try to look it up on youtube but all videos are for if the cats are *disinterested* in play but they’re very interested! just in a very polite manner lol like i’m introducing stuffed toys for them to cuddle with

i was kidding at first with the oblivion guard quote but, the fish is battery operated to flop around and when i turned it off to charge the battery they were both IMMEDIATELY concerned that it stopped moving. when i turned it back on they were like, oh thank god. it doesn’t even entice them to chase it. it just makes them feel better to know it’s alive and kicking apparently??? shjdgsjdhd they care about this fake fish so much what the fuck

I love stories of “my cats are weird and I love them” because it’s free dopamine.

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

Can haz snackytreat

I don’t think that last one is a bad mod at ALL.

there is a lot of unintentional humor created by the fact that the characters in “Dracula” do not know that they are characters in “Dracula.” 

“The people in the village are warning me about a local legend called a ‘vampire’. How quaint. When I meet Count Dracula I shall have to ask him if he knows more about this peculiar superstition.”