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girl i can make your penis bark

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dragoncarrion

????

Moving is actually so hell it doesn’t matter how much you plan in advance or how early you start packing or how much you love your roommates it will turn you into the demon beast without fail

proxima-bee

art museum websites when the artist was a communist: ...he continued to paint, despite the fact that every time someone in Soviet Russia made abstract art Joe Stalin would personally storm into their studio and start tearing apart the canvas with his teeth

art museum websites when the artist was a nazi: ...his work flourished from 1937–1945, a time where nothing particularly notable happened, and then he emigrated to the united states where he designed buildings for private universities

infectiouspiss

blowjob? more like nojob! #unemployed

thegenderdruid

blowjob? more like job blows! #employed

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mutationgirl

you are just cranky because i took something imperceptible from you and you cannot recall it in its absence but you feel the edges of it anyway

kaylmao

work like a red onion

play like a white onion

fuck like a green onion

#I feel like red and white onion should be switched am I crazy

teathattast

mangonetics

Dogs serve as a kind of virtue eater for Americans to pour all of their kindness into without the risk of improving society or being nice to someone with any agency

were--ralph

Female one btw

aleatoryw

okay this is really fascinating to me bc I feel like what they're each picking up from each other is "this woman fails to meet the standards of hetero womanhood" - none of them look like the lead of a romcom, none of them look like an instagram model. passing each other on the street they won't look that closely, but when scrutinizing the image, they pick up on these "failures" and interpret them as deliberately signaling disinterest in male attraction. the secret of course is that no one can meet these standards because they're fake; instagram models and movie actresses are staged and edited.

of course the creator probably got some "straight" responses and edited them out but it's interesting right? that wearing a leopard print top or being the "wrong" body shape pings whatever passes for a gaydar on straight people? that women in t-shirts without a full face of makeup are not performing enough femininity to be "real (straight) women"? the unprompted transvestigation is not unrelated from the distinction of who is a real straight woman.

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feldfrog

It makes sense that dog organs can’t be used inside people, because their organs are weird and no good. But in my opinion, our organs should work inside them, because our kidneys and livers and stuff are straight up normal as hell and good

fairycosmos

bumblebeebats

This was genuinely what it was like growing up in New Agey circles btw, my mum's friends would come round like "So I went out to the woods this weekend and fasted and meditated and I had a vision of the Sacred Stag and all my guardian angels and I asked them how to find love and they said that I need to focus on my own healing first and stop repeating cycles of the past" and then the very next week it'd be like "So I'm back with James again" girl..... the Sacred Stag could not have been more clear....

beemovieerotica

ewaneneollav

remembering in my biology class last year when the teacher called someone a numbskull then said “sorry, I should be calling you guys ‘gumball’ ‘cause you’re all chewed up” then a guy said “I’m more like the bones in a grave, like it’s just over for me” & none of it made any sense

dreamlogic

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

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3000s

ssexbug

all i ever do is eat leafs soo why i go to hell ?

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