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𓏏𓏏ㅤㅤblog tagsㅤㅤ↶

ᰋ ˓ ♡ j's diary :ㅤa daily diary thread, aesthetically organized and laid out, posted daily as an update to my life (no venting ever!).

ᰋ ˓ ♡ j's offtopics :ㅤofftopic posts not related to the diary, will have a break + warning if they contain nsfw.

ᰋ ˓ ♡ j's media :ㅤmedia posts, will have a seperate tag if they have art (ie; 'art post').

ᰋ ˓ ♡ j's vents :ㅤstraight vent posting, will have a warning and a break.

ᰋ ˓ ♡ other fronter posting :ㅤused if the Host isnt fronting. all alters have their own post tags.

݁ ˖Ი𐑼⋆ links ⠀.ᐟ

carrd

tiktok

twt (semi ia)

as much of a freak that i am, jokingly, with myself, with my partner, ect, i just know if it actually came down to actual sex i would feeeze up and panic. It's not like i wouldnt want it; im sure i would, but thats a trauma response that i have, even alone, with myself in my dark room. the dark does help sometimes , but sometimes i genuinely just start.. well. panicking. Sometimes, when im alone late at night, i try again. I cant help but freeze up. I dont know how to forgive her. i know she didnt mean too, and she apologized. i thought i forgave her, that this was over and i could move on, but these panic attacks are just getting worse. and those episodes; that even happen when im trying to sleep; they scare me away from trying. I think id rather tell everyone im asexual rather then try and just freeze up like a opposum or something during sex, cause if my terrible personality dont scare people off, that definitely will.

and if my gf is reading im sorry. i wish i could be better for you. maybe one day i can.

꒱ ┊‎ ＞ morning

⟡ ౿ i went to school for the first part of yhe day. we finished The Social Network in english, and we got to play in band today. Theres 6th graders coming next wednesday to try out intrusments so im a tad nervous. 6th graders can be brutal, and hella stinky. i also did not finish my whole salad since the croutons were bitter </3 ◞

꒱ ┊‎ ＞ afternoon

⟡ ౿ did a test in chem and then got picked up for my hair appoitment. For some reason it didnt book properly?? so she snuck us in. i felt so terrible but she was nice about it anyhow. we had supper at BP, and then we drove home. ◞

꒱ ┊‎ ＞ evening

⟡ ౿ did barely anything, talked to my wife, watched the new FlameFrags episode, and now im writting this hmm.. okay. good night yall ◞