Welcome to my account.

I like to think Bertholdt is like scarily competent and it terrifies him a little. Back when he was with the 104th regiment, he would see everyone train, absently think "I could take them down without wasting my breath and still have time to utilize their weak points" then realize what he was thinking and it freaks him out a lil. He doesn't want to be thinking like a killer. He doesn't like that he can think and be efficient like that.

Purrentification.

happy drunk this, sloppy drunk that, the first time my friend got drunk he got so incredibly aware of his own slipping motor and social skills that he got paranoid he’d be unable to successfully mask, so he sat there, back straight and perfectly silent, for the entire rest of the meal in terror of others becoming Aware of him. This is the type of drunk Chu Wanning would be.

New and improved! Sad Wet Dog of a top is thinking about how he wants to hurt you but doesn't want to hurt you and the contradiction is slowly and steadily making him Lose His Whole Fucking Mind.