a dumbass!!

anywhere can be the trenches with the right mindset

nobody lures you into the fog anymore

looks like somebody forgot that dust we are and to dust we shall return lol

fucking hate texting dracula i'll send him a funny meme and he'll call me to be like "i need to take a SCREAMshot on my HELL phone" like oh my god we get it youre scary

i went to the aquarium the other week and hand to god every single seahorse was pregnant. it was like ao3 in there

it’s a real shame that explosions exist because cigarette while pumping gas just makes so much sense + seems beautiful

it's about time we ended the reign of the evil wizard

ugh come ON (emphatically getting up out of my chair to turn around with a grimace and put my head in my hands) dude you KNOW i've been such a good girl. don't fuck with me man i don't have time for this. just fuckin give me the kitty treat dude

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

No, I am not 'hoarding craft supplies.' I am sourcing materials for a very big project that will be revealed to me at a later date- perhaps in a dream.

bird flu? yeah they do that lol

[causes extinction level event through sheer negligence]

you better not have used my single use orb

witches these days dont even boil people in a stew or trick children into crawling into their ovens. so sick, all they want to do is find their lost cat. your kitty is gone girl. my house stepped on it with its big ass feet and i ate it for lunch