tired & done, no tags, inconsistent blogging

Ilya Rozanov week: Day two Favorite look(s): His love for Adidas as a brand

ilya rozanov appreciation week: day two favorite look: black on black

Heated Rivalry (2025-) dir. Jacob Tierney

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD

shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-

oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.

and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.

GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-

shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.

but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.

@riddlemaster101

i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail

David spots them at the cottage and they go over, Shane's cottage is obviously allergen free and the shopping he did is all safe for him. Yuna and David know to cook safely, the chicken parm is all good and fine but they say "the croutons aren't safe for you, but you don't like those anyway" just in passing as a matter of habit and Ilya who JUST learned about bananas and latex and bees is like "oh wow! More allergies?? I need a list. Haha" and then they have the meal and the panic attack and they become boyfriends. Before they leave Yuna makes him a copy of her list of all the known allergens and Shane's common reactions to them, it's the first time he hugs her. He looks her in the eye and says "thank you for letting me take care of him. I will be careful."

It's a relief, to know he cares to try. But at the end of the day they JUST met this man. So they cross their fingers and try not to feel the same way they did every time Shane went to somebody's house for a birthday party or a sleepover.

And then they are over at the cottage some night and they decide to order in for dinner. Ilya takes everybody's orders and goes to the kitchen to call it in for them and it's taking *forever* so Yuna goes to see if he needs any help. She finds him sitting with two copies of the list, hers and one translated into Russian for his easy reference. He has the phone on speaker and says "thank you for checking the dressing ingredients, I know is weird request, but sometimes Caesar dressing is safe, sometimes not safe, but he likes it so much is worth checking. Yes, I'll hold again."

They've ordered from this place a dozen times, their recipe for Caesar dressing is safe, YUNA knows that, SHANE knows that, that's why he ordered it. But *Ilya* doesn't. So he's checking. Because Shane wants the dressing and Ilya want him *safe* and *happy*. And isn't that all a parent wants? For their kid to be with someone who is just as invested in their happiness and safety as they are? For somebody who will wait on hold while they check the fry oil and the dressing ingredients and whatever else?

also cackling about the idea of ilya using the group chat with them to be mad about brands changing their ingredients so things that were SAFE are now NOT 😤 it started just as a "hey, those crackers aren't safe anymore" as a collective fyi thing, but it ends up being ilya just mad about safe things not being safe anymore

and now he gets to go to his boyfriend's house and just know there'll be a cabinet of stuff that's safe for him. doesn't even have to worry about it. this is the Shane Cabinet, and it contains Shane Food. and when there's dinner?? that will also be Shane Food.

he takes a bite of food as ilya is putting things away and goes, "holy shit"

and ilya freezes and looks over and just "what"

"oh my GOD"

"what? what is happening?"

"ilya, FUCK"

"what? is reaction? there is something you are reacting to? you need-"

"what?"

"what is wrong? what's happening? you need epi-"

"oh, nothing's happening! it just tastes really good. :)"

Okay, but Shane eating Ilya’s flavourful cooking with a happy little smile and meanwhile Ilya is frantically texting Bood like

Ilya: Shane is so used to boring food he was shocked food could taste good

Bood: HE WHAT

Ilya: fed him this [pic]

Ilya: he starts freaking out

Ilya: thought I’d fucking killed him

Ilya: this close to stabbing him with a fucking epipen

Ilya: and he smiles at me like ‘oh nothing this is just really good’ :)

Ilya: this fucker is so confused by actual nice food he nearly killed ME I am having a HEART ATTACK and he is smiling

Ilya: everyone in his life let him eat cardboard because it was safe

Bood: OH FUCK THAT

Bood: next bbq, I’m making a range of safe marinades

Bood: he will taste test and tell me which one is best

Ilya: will bring clipboard 👍

#MyBood’s love language is feeding people, you cannot convince me that Bood and Ilya don’t have a private chat filled with recipes and ingredient swaps and meal feedback.

#MyBood finds out about Shane’s allergies and immediately locks in like “Don’t worry, you WILL be able to eat at anything I host.”

Shane’s like “oh it’s not that big of a deal”

Bood shakes his head and clasps Shane’s shoulder. “It is, and I WILL make sure you have food you can eat and you WILL enjoy it!”

the idea of shane who denies himself SO MUCH and optimizes SO MUCH OF HIS LIFE and is SO focused and SO dedicated

but who cannot resist the siren call of Forbidden Mangoes

it ends up being his end of season treat

he did a whole season, he did a great job, he stayed focused and On It the whole year. other people celebrate with champagne. shane celebrates with an allergen.

shane who has one last photoshoot to knock out before he's free and is just oh no :) it conflicts with my husband's schedule :) guess that means ilya can't go with me :) so sad :)

why are you so happy

i'm not :)

then he does the photoshoot and has knocked out the last thing he has to do in front of a camera for a while.

now it is Mango Time.

he facetimes ilya with the lights down WAY low later and ilya just ?? shane??? i can barely see you, malysh. turn a light on.

uuuhh, no thanks. it's sexier like this.

what? i want to se-

...

shane is it the fucking mangoes

...no

SHANE

YOU GET TO SMOKE SOMETIMES. I GET TO EAT MANGOES.

ARE YOU FORGETTING PART WHERE ALLERGIES CAN GET WORSE WITH EXPOSURE?

THEN I SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE I CAN

Ilya: *notices Shane has disappeared* “shit.” *whips out phone to locate nearest Thai restaurant because he knows this game now* *texts Shane while running towards location bc he knows it will distract Shane for a moment* “Where are you??”

Shane: *sends aforementioned blurry selfie with mango and middle finger* cnat storp me bitsch

Shane then proceeds to (drunkenly) try to find a hiding spot to eat his mango bc he knows Ilya is going to find him in the next 3 minutes.

Jump cut to Ilya sliding to a stop in an alley to find Shane hunched over the shredded carcass of a mango, ripping the last of the flesh off its seed like a deranged raccoon.

Ilya: “Shane, you know is bad for you.”

Shane: *angry hissing noises*

Ilya: *deep sigh* “If you come back to hotel with me now, I give you water and antihistamine before you get too itchy.”

Shane: *more hissing as he starts licking all the juice off his hands and arms*

the idea of shane who denies himself SO MUCH and optimizes SO MUCH OF HIS LIFE and is SO focused and SO dedicated

but who cannot resist the siren call of Forbidden Mangoes

it ends up being his end of season treat

he did a whole season, he did a great job, he stayed focused and On It the whole year. other people celebrate with champagne. shane celebrates with an allergen.

shane who has one last photoshoot to knock out before he's free and is just oh no :) it conflicts with my husband's schedule :) guess that means ilya can't go with me :) so sad :)

why are you so happy

i'm not :)

then he does the photoshoot and has knocked out the last thing he has to do in front of a camera for a while.

now it is Mango Time.

he facetimes ilya with the lights down WAY low later and ilya just ?? shane??? i can barely see you, malysh. turn a light on.

uuuhh, no thanks. it's sexier like this.

what? i want to se-

...

shane is it the fucking mangoes

...no

SHANE

YOU GET TO SMOKE SOMETIMES. I GET TO EAT MANGOES.

ARE YOU FORGETTING PART WHERE ALLERGIES CAN GET WORSE WITH EXPOSURE?

THEN I SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE I CAN

first of all "Training Peanuts" made me fucking CACKLE

second of all, SO funny to imagine shane deciding to use the summer to start doing this so it won't have an impact on his performance if it goes badly (*ilya voice* and what about impact on your husband? no concern for this?), which means ilya's stress levels are flipping WILDLY over the course of the summer.

texture of peanut butter is Bad and the taste is meh

they're at a party and there's peanut butter cookies and shane's never actually tried one before, so he grabs one and takes a bite while someone in the group is talking and ilya clocks it and immediately is !!!! spit it out!!! and shane is ??? and ilya fucking moves to GRAB HIS FACE because he thinks he's just not understanding what ilya is saying and is still spit out! shane! peanut b-oh! no you're fine nevermind

first of all "Training Peanuts" made me fucking CACKLE

second of all, SO funny to imagine shane deciding to use the summer to start doing this so it won't have an impact on his performance if it goes badly (*ilya voice* and what about impact on your husband? no concern for this?), which means ilya's stress levels are flipping WILDLY over the course of the summer.

texture of peanut butter is Bad and the taste is meh