‘til i’m making love to death

Just got a new knight! I sure hope his unwavering loyalty, mindless devotion, and tendency to kneel before me to kiss the palm of my hand before he commits atrocities in my name doesn't awaken anything in me.

Bad news, lads.

oh shittttt

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think

[steals your baby immediately after his birth][raises him][trains him in the ways of an ancient martial art invented by cormorant fishers in 700 ad for 13 years][enters him in a tournament][he loses in 4 rounds] ok whatever. you can have him back

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving