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there’s a war between Sucking and Fucking

#the reason that lab safety regulations are the way they are is because literally all chemists are like this #as in 100% of them #no exceptions (via @prokopetz)

coworker told me he “hates all mollusks” today. and to each their own obviously but like… theres 100k species of mollusk… you really hate all of them bro? nautiluses and oysters and snails and nudibranches and chitons and thousands of animals youve never even heard of???? what did ammonites even fucking do to you

on one hand I get why people talk about the vanity of the instagram age, but on the other one time St. Ignatius of Loyola got his leg shattered in battle and discovered upon recovery that he could no longer wear his favorite tight leather boots due to the way his leg had set and so decided to rebreak his leg without anesthesia because he was that determined to wear his fashionable boots again...what i'm trying to say is that this man might have existed before instagram, but at heart he was an influencer

Why do you live with the wolf from The Thing

characters who dig themselves out of their graves (whether literal or metaphorical) are at the top of the list. nothing beats a character who should have died but didn't and comes back to haunt their own life and the world around them, benevolent or violent it doesn't matter, it's enthralling either way

#Yanli’s continued willingness to look at the yiling patriarch and sandu sengshou #and just be like #babies #MY babies #my darling little angels who are out there being very good boys #their combined body count is hitting the quadruple digits and she’s just like #they’re so industrious #a-xian drew me a picture of their most recent battle and i put it on the fridge #he’s so talented he can pursue art AND necromancy #look in the picture you can see how a-cheng #has learned to #coordinate zidian and sandu so that he can simultaneously neutralize multiple enemy combatants with synchronized #choking and stabbing #so gifted and hard working #i hope they’re remembering to hydrate (presenting to you pure comedy gold by @winepresswrath)

puppy on head idiot

[ID: a photo of a hyena laying on its side on some straw, with a pup sitting atop the adult’s head. End ID]

the line “your worst sin is that you’ve betrayed and destroyed yourself for nothing” is so raw you’d think it’s from a destiel fanfic or even hetalia but it’s actually from dostoyevskys crime and punishment

Sun Tzu is so fucking funny to me because for his time he was legitimately a brilliant tactician but a bunch of his insight is shit like "if you think you might lose, avoid doing that", "being outnumbered is bad generally", and "consider lying."

My personal favourite is his lengthy lecture on the subject of Supplies Being Very Important I Cannot Stress Enough The Importance Of Protecting Your Supply Lines But Also Supply Lines Are Expensive As Shit So Steal The Enemy’s Supplies At Every Opportunity. 

One of the more important things to consider about any historical work is the audience it was published for. The Art Of War was aimed at fancy nobles high on philosophy with little practical military experience who were nonetheless leading armies.

Sun Tzu, after desperatly trying to explain extremely basic logic to a bunch of upper-class twits, basically sat down and wrote the most elaborate "As per my last email" ever

the art of war is tedious and irritating when you read it as like, immortal prose by the most brilliant man ever to kick ass. but it’s incredibly fucking funny when you realize that sun tzu had to write every single one of those entries because someone somewhere did not know this ahead of time and made a really, really expensive oopsie doodles.

A thing I love to do is telling prepper dudes that one of my disaster readiness skills is making stuffed animals. They never get it. Like, my dude, when things get very bad and we're all sharing overcrowded shelters, you're gonna want the power to comfort children. Trust me.

You know what, I got a whole bunch of fabric / old clothes at home and no idea what to do with it. I might just learn how to do this too

As a bit of a prepper myself any sewwing ability is a vaild skill that is essential for so many things anyone who says otherwise is objectivly wrong

Oh yeah, sewing has tons of practical survival uses. However I chose stuffed animals in this example because survival is a social thing. To survive these prepper dudes are going to have to be around a lot of people who are not their prepper buddies. And a big part of effectively doing that is just passing the time well together. Which requires earplugs and card games and things that comfort children. These are not luxuries, they're essential because they maintain the social structures that keep us alive.

[to the tune of YMCA] mothman, there’s no need to feel down I said mothman,

lift that man off the ground

CUZ ITS FUN! TO! SWING! A! HU-MAN!

It’s him. The sultan of swing

Concept: a mermaid who collects human artifacts, but, like, exclusively objects that humans have dramatically cast into the sea in moments of high emotion, catharsis, or personal revelation. Each item is carefully mounted above a little index card that outlines the circumstances of its hurling in terse, clinical prose.

How many outdated cellphones does she have from businessmen who realize that Family is more important?

Fewer than you’d think. For a variety of fascinating demographic and cultural reasons, importance-of-family cell phones are considerably more likely to be hurled into lakes than oceans. She’s co-authored a paper on the subject that’s due to be published next month.

I hope it’s been pier reviewed