Shapes!

Those fuckers did some things to Hitoshi Katsuki wouldn't ever wish on his nemesis and to think that Hitoshi had to go through all of that and for weeks—it's almost unthinkable.

But it happened and now they have to navigate through all of that trauma to get Hitoshi as relaxed as he can be under these circumstances and that includes Katsuki as his caretaker.

A job he is kind of neglecting right now because he's not supposed to leave Hitoshi alone for too long and that means don't leave the room for longer than three minutes, which he's pushing, so he heaves himself up and drags his body over to the room he has Hitoshi set up in.

Despite his hopes, Hitoshi is awake, blearily blinking at Katsuki as he steps into the room and the heart monitor lets Katsuki know that he might be safe in Hitoshi's eyes but his presence still makes his heartbeat pick up.

"I'm here," Katsuki says as he walks over to the side of the bed and Hitoshi tracks his every movement attentively. "You're good."

It tastes like a lie on his tongue because Hitoshi is so fucked up that he's probably never going to be good again, but that is for future them to figure out. It's obvious that Hitoshi will have some lasting damage but no one can tell yet how extensive it will be, mostly because Hitoshi hasn't been able to talk to anyone yet

They are not even sure if he sustained any brain damage yet and isn't that fucked up?

Hitoshi continues to look at him and Katsuki fights the urge to reach out and card his fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him, knowing that it would only make it worse and so Katsuki checks all the parameters he's supposed to check, notes it all down like he's instructed to and then he settles down into the armchair he brought into the room, together with his tablet so he can get some work done before he has to do another round of check-up on Hitoshi in an hour.

Katsuki tries his best to get his work done, but he can feel Hitoshi staring a hole into the side of his head and he can't actually stop thinking about all the fucked up things that happened to him and so after fifteen minutes Katsuki gives up and puts the tablet to the side.

It's not even as if he's supposed to work—he's on leave until Hitoshi can stay alone for extended periods of time or until he accepts someone else in his space and Katsuki's agency was pretty damn adamant that this takes precedence right now.

Apparently losing their best underground hero in a few decades is heavily frowned upon, so everyone is hoping that he'll get back on his feet rather sooner than later.

"What are you looking at me for?" Katsuki grumbles out and moves to the chair next to Hitoshi's bed. "There has to be something more interesting for you to stare at."

There isn't—this room is an unused office and it's furnished as such, even though now everything is pushed to the sides to make room for the medical bed and all the other medical equipment Hitoshi needs.

There's a new TV mounted to the wall and a radio somewhere on a table in case Hitoshi feels good enough to listen to anything or to watch something, but for now, he keeps watching Katsuki and drifting off and then rinse and repeat.

It's strange and for all that Katsuki has an almost pathological need to be in the spotlight, being someone's sole focus like that is low-key freaking him out, especially since Hitoshi can't talk yet.

His jaw is still wired shut and his vocal cords are still healing and Hitoshi's hands are being held together by splints and bolts and plates and the hope of the nation so he can't even sign yet.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Katsuki mutters, leaning slightly closer and Hitoshi's nostrils flare as the heart monitor picks up the pace again and immediately, Katsuki moves back.

"Sorry. Shit, sorry," he mumbles, pushing a hand through his own hair and even that movement makes Hitoshi flinch away from him, even though he relaxes immediately after and this is going to take fucking years off Katsuki's life, that's for sure.

He's not good at navigating trauma at the best of days and he certainly doesn't feel at his peak and there's just so much trauma to navigate here, some of which they probably don't even know about yet because it's not as if Hitoshi can tell them about it and so they are going off on nothing but his reactions.

And really, Katsuki doesn't like his reactions at all; Hitoshi flinches at almost every movement and when he's awake he's always wary, always tracking Katsuki like a hawk as if he's still afraid that Katsuki could turn on him at any moment even though he's the only presence he can tolerate at the moment.

It's a mess, that's for sure and Katsuki feels woefully out of his depth.

~*~*~

Hitoshi becomes insufferable almost as soon as he's allowed to use his hands again, because the torture might have fucked him up for good, but it clearly wasn't enough to take the sass out of him and Katsuki has to remind himself again and again and again that snapping at a traumatised torture victim is not the way to go.

"Shut the fuck up," Katsuki groans out when Hitoshi signs at him that he's bored but he still obediently gets up and gets Hitoshi the remote for the TV.

He's not supposed to watch anything for too long, something about strain to his eyes they need to keep in check but Hitoshi has been annoying him for the last hour and Katsuki is weak.

Didn't even say anything, Hitoshi signs out, his hands moving almost happily despite how they jerk and tremble even though his jaw is still wired shut and well, they can rule out brain damage, that's for sure.

"Details, schmetails," Katsuki grumbles under his breath and Hitoshi huffs out something that could be classified as a laugh, quickly followed by a groan, because he's clearly not healed enough to express himself like that.

"Be more careful, idiot," Katsuki chastises him and flicks through the channels until Hitoshi's raised finger indicates that he's found something he wants to watch and they settle in, Hitoshi still laid out on the bed, Katsuki firmly planted in a chair next to it and it almost feels companionable.

If it wasn't for all the medical equipment and the still very real danger that Hitoshi will die of some complications neither of them can predict yet.

But for this moment, it's good.

~*~*~

To the surprise of literally anyone, Hitoshi bounces back as if it's nothing; as if weeks of torture didn't happen to him beyond the physical injuries it left behind and soon enough Katsuki's home feels more like a common room in the dorms than his personal apartment, but he can't really begrudge anyone the chance to come and see Hitoshi.

And by the gods, are they coming to see Hitoshi.

Katsuki debates installing a revolving door to make it easier on him, but when he joked about that, Hitoshi had gone pale and okay, maybe the psychological trauma is still there, just very well buried.

It had been a joke anyway and Katsuki doesn't make it again and instead announces every visitor ahead of time to gauge Hitoshi's reaction and no one is allowed into the room without him, a mandate Hitoshi set up the very first time Aizawa simply strolled into the room and almost sent Hitoshi straight into a panic attack and Katsuki has never before felt more like a babysitter.

And he doesn't even hate it.

Having Hitoshi trust him like that is a heady feeling and not helping with his ill-advised crush on the other man at all but that is something Katsuki keeps buried deep, deep down because they literally have other problems right now.

Like Hitoshi almost losing his shit when Katsuki leads Denki into the room.

Katsuki immediately shoves him outside again, closing the door very firmly in his face and hurrying to Hitoshi's side.

"You're okay, he's gone, it's just me," he rambles, trying for reassuring and probably missing for a mile but Hitoshi's eyes are glued to him as if he's the only thing making sense in his world and Katsuki can't let that get to his head in any way.

Electricity, Hitoshi shakily signs out after a while and Katsuki nods, because he remembers reading about that.

He just didn't think just the sight of Denki would sent him spiralling but that's on him.

"That's fine. I'll send him away and maybe he can call you later," Katsuki says and dares to reach out to soothingly touches his fingertips to the back of Hitoshi's hand.

It's not much, but Hitoshi still flinches before he visibly forces himself to relax and Katsuki refuses to take his hand away unless Hitoshi moves first.

Which he never does and eventually he simply nods.

"Okay. I'll tell him. You'll be okay for five minutes?" Katsuki asks and there's not even any annoyance at the fact that Katsuki's life and world revolve entirely around Hitoshi at the moment.

Hitoshi takes another long moment before he manages to nod again and Katsuki gets up to send Denki away, and he's back at Hitoshi's bedside before he knows it.

It feels strangely as if that's where he's supposed to be, anyway.

~*~*~

"Eat up, eggplant," Katsuki says as he unceremoniously shoves a bowl of soup in Hitoshi's hands, carefully steadying it so that Hitoshi doesn't topple it all over himself but Hitoshi manages well enough on his own.

"Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired," Hitoshi teases, his voice scratch and rough and his words slurred but he can talk again and that's a win all on its own.

Still, predictably, Katsuki snaps at him because he can't allow this kind of ungratefulness in his own home.

"Shut your damn trap."

"Been there, done that, don't want a repeat," Hitoshi almost glibly says as if having his jaw wired shut for the better part of a month meant nothing to him and Katsuki would never admit to it but seeing him with this much attitude and spunk sometimes makes him cry into his pillow, he's that relieved.

"You really shouldn't take all of your trauma that lightly," Katsuki mutters, hovering at his side in case his grip slips and Hitoshi gives him what counts for a wicked smile.

He's still practising with his fucked up facial muscles.

"It's my trauma, I can deal with that however the fuck I want," Hitoshi gives back and he's right.

And he's doing it well, anyway, as Katsuki can attest to, because he still can't leave Hitoshi alone with other people and so he has to sit in on all the therapy sessions Hitoshi goes through and he's certainly not shying away from anything.

No matter how ugly, no matter how horrifying, Hitoshi accepts it all and even his therapist is impressed. Also slightly suspicious of him playing it all off, but Katsuki can attest to the fact that Hitoshi is definitely not a liar.

He still freaks out over the smallest things sometimes, he still can't be alone with people that are not Katsuki, he still has trouble sleeping and eating and moving, but he's taking it all in stride and honestly, it's awe-inspiring.

"Just eat, idiot," Katsuki sighs out, and Hitoshi grins as if he won a price and well.

As long as he can smile like that—fucked up muscles and all—Katsuki doesn't care much about the rest.

~*~*~

Katsuki jerks awake to the sound of Hitoshi flailing in his bed. His eyes are still closed so he must be having a nightmare and Katsuki is at his side a moment later.

He doesn't give a shit about his own safety, he's been clocked by a panicking Hitoshi before, and instead he reaches out, hands sure and steady despite the way his heart clenches at the expression of fear on Hitoshi's face and he shakes him awake.

It doesn't take much, never has, and Hitoshi jerks away from him with a gasp, his eyes flying open before he practically melts back into the bed.

"Just me, eggplant, it was a nightmare, you're good."

Katsuki keeps up a reassuring string of words, not really caring what he says but knowing that Hitoshi somehow takes comfort from his voice and Hitoshi curls up facing Katsuki, so damn trusting and for a moment, Katsuki doesn't know what to do with himself.

"You shouldn't be this good to me," Hitoshi mumbles, clearly already on the way to falling asleep again. "My heart can't take it."

Katsuki's own heart stumbles in a panic at hearing that before he remembers that Hitoshi's heart has never been injured, that it wasn't relating to any kind of heart failure he could experience—despite everything, Katsuki is still the only one with a weak heart between them—but once that knowledge settles in, it leaves Katsuki confused.

Because what the hell does Hitoshi's heart have to do with anything?

There's an obvious answer, of course, but Katsuki doesn't dare to entertain that thought for even a moment because he shouldn't. He can't.

Hitoshi is just dependent on him because he's the only one he feels safe with and there's nothing more to it.

Katsuki is certain of that, no matter how much his own heart hurts at that.

~*~*~

"You never asked," Hitoshi says out of the blue, looking up at Katsuki from his place at the kitchen table.

He was able to properly move out of the impromptu medical room about a week ago and he has taken great joy in wandering around Katsuki's apartment and generally following him everywhere he goes, like a lost puppy.

It's endearing in a way Katsuki wasn't prepared for but even now, he turns around with a scowl as he crosses his arms in front of his chest because he has to maintain an image.

"Ask about what?"

"Why you. Why you were the only one safe for me."

It's a question that's been preying on Katsuki's mind for weeks now but he wasn't prepared to ever get an answer to it.

He certainly wouldn’t have asked.

"Why?" he asks now, almost breathlessly with anticipation. "Why me?"

"Because I love you. Because I've always loved you and because you've always been safe for me, no matter what. And they couldn't even torture that out of me, so make of that what you will," Hitoshi says with a shrug before he digs into his food as if that confession means nothing to him when it's completely blowing Katsuki's mind.

They've been sort of friends before; comfortable in each other's company, not afraid to show their snark and bite and rough edges to the other and it had been a point of comfort for Katsuki.

It's still completely mind-blowing to hear that the same has been true for Hitoshi.

"You—" Katsuki stammers because how the fuck can Hitoshi be this nonchalant about it? "You fucking idiot," he finally finishes with nothing more than a sigh and when Hitoshi looks back up again, Katsuki spots the tension around his eyes.

He might try to play it cool but Katsuki knows him better than that, now more than ever.

"Sorry for—"

"Shut the hell up and don't you dare apologise for it," Katsuki snaps out and stomps over to the table until he can loom over Hitoshi, who cranes his neck as best as he can to look up at him.

It gives Katsuki the perfect opportunity to drop a kiss to his forehead, which he does with more feeling than he likes to admit and for once in his life, it makes Hitoshi speechless.

"I love you, too, and I'm so glad you're safe and still here," Katsuki gets out, more chocked up than he would like and he can't help the tears that escape him when he hugs Hitoshi's head close to his chest, all of the worry and stress and fear melting away because Hitoshi is here and he's doing better than anyone could have ever predicted and he's still his normal snarky self and Katsuki thanks all the deities he knows for that.

"Where else would I go?" Hitoshi rhetorically asks, hugging Katsuki back as best as he can with his arms still mostly stiff from all his injuries but it's just a reminder that he's stronger than all the bullshit he was put through.

"Nowhere hopefully," Katsuki grumbles out and presses another kiss to his head before he untangles himself from Hitoshi. "Now eat, you still need all the strength you can get."

"Aye, aye, chef," Hitoshi happily gives back and just like that it's back to normal, as if nothing ever even happened and for that, Katsuki is more grateful than he can put into words.

Hitoshi still knows, going by the smile he tries to hide, and Katsuki adores him more than he can say.

Well, at least that part is mutual, considering the look he gets from Hitoshi and that's really all Katsuki can ask for.