hello!

it absolutely makes sense to me why this would evoke a much deeper reaction and sense of betrayal than even when ruben was sent to prison the first time. while ruben made threats to niall that first time because of his 'betrayal', he moved on and didnt carry through with them, even when he was still bitter. while this time he has also lost everything in his life -- his mother, his child, mona, and even niall again because of his betrayal. and as much as ruben claims to take responsibility for his actions in this episode, we also see how he continues to engage in the same behaviors and continually blames others for provoking his violence, just the same as he did when he was young. so of course this time he will take it further, will actually try to kill niall, because ruben can't accept that his own actions have led to his life being shitty, and just like niall has been blaming his internal homophobia and his shitty life on ruben, ruben blames his violence and his shitty life on niall and niall's wrongdoings towards him.

i also noticed how when ruben confesses how his father sexually abused him, and how he had physical reactions to it and had complex feelings surrounding it, niall kinda withdrew from him. and it really brought to mind how ruben kinda did something similar to niall in a way, by basically forcing him to have sex with mona, and later on in the hospital, and at several points by groping him and just general borderline or straight up sexual harassment. neither of them mention this but i think that is a big reason why niall ends up not wanting to hear about everything -- not because he is dismissive of sexual assault, but because ruben's words bring to mind the same things he feels about ruben. and even when niall confesses being gay, he still will not vocalize how he feels about ruben, that is still the boundary that cannot be crossed, until it is finally crossed in the last moments of the show, and when niall is the ultimate victim of ruben's violence.

and while i dont think niall wanted to die per se, he is willing to walk into that barn with ruben likely knowing what will happen to him. even when he could have taken so many other steps to diffuse the situation, like calling the cops, or just not going into the barn with ruben, he always was going to do what ruben wanted. he is reckless, because he craves rubens presence and attention even when he should stay away. like niall said, it's a chemical addiction; even when niall has been away from him for years and hasn't chased him down like he did in episode 4, he is drawn right back in, and he can't resist ruben.

at the same time, the questions i have can kinda be inferred from previous episodes, or depicting them would just be rehashing stuff that was already covered. in a show like this that strongly revolves around patterns and cycles of violence and behavior, i think we can assume that ruben and niall would continue the same behaviors they had shown throughout the show. so ruben likely threatened the shit out of niall once again, just like he did in episode 3. niall probably reacted to the threats in a similar way to how he did in episode 4, although he is likely in a more stable place economically and with alby's support. ruben likely was in prison for a similar or longer time as his first assault, so it's been years since niall and ruben saw each other (also shown by both of their reactions to seeing each other again at the wedding).

and although i personally don't think that niall told ruben about the wedding, i think it is likely that niall behaved with the same extreme recklessness that he has throughout the series, whether in regards to ruben or his life in general. i think he was reckless in regards to ruben's release date and his movements, just like he was in episode 4. as obsessed as niall was/is with ruben and ruben potentially hurting him, he doesn't keep tabs on him and what he's up to in episode 4, so i think it is likely that he behaved the same way again. he is unaware of ruben when he should be aware of him, and overly aware when he should be less aware, if that makes sense. so while we don't know for sure, i think it's likely that ruben could have found out from lori, or some other person that niall knew, or even could have tracked him down to get his revenge like niall feared he would in episode 4.