one day i will learn how to animate i pinkie promise. so i can provide better content :,)
letters are messy with childe because he’s messy btw not bc im too lazy to fix it
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one day i will learn how to animate i pinkie promise. so i can provide better content :,)
letters are messy with childe because he’s messy btw not bc im too lazy to fix it

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i do find it funny the concept of all the batkids agreeing that tim is the most likely to eventually snap and go full supervillain on them all. like i bet damian and jason get together and decide that to lower the risk they should ragebait the fuck out of him at any and all opportunity to try and steer him away from overreactions. and i bet it stresses dick the fuck out.
-
Jason: *trips Tim for no reason* whatcha' gonna do? kill me again?
Tim: can you give it a fucking rest- *tries to get up*
Jaosn: no *shoves him back down*
Dick, furiously whispering after Tim leaves: can you stop pissing him off you know he's a flight risk-!
Jason: that's the point. if we piss him off enough he'll get used to it and he'll stop thinking everything should be retaliated with via supervillain revenge. we're lowering the stock value of his rage.
Dick:
Dick: are you fucking kidding me-
-
Damian: *walks into the batcave and silently shoots Tim with a paintball gun*
Tim: OW- YOU PIECE OF-
Damian: deep breaths Timothy. remember your mental exercises.
Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'LL-
Damian: *shoots him again*
Tim:
Tim:
Damian: *cocks gun in warning*
Tim: ...i'm going to go. do some gardening. and meditate.
Dick, after Tim leaves, face pale: why are you testing him like that he's going to kill us all.
Damian: Todd and i have a schedule to ensure premium anger management training.
Dick: THATS NOT GONNA WORK.
Damian: and yet he's gardening right now.
-
*during a JL meeting the batkids had to help out with*
Tim: -so that's my plan, are there any objections?
Jason: yeah, that plan's fucking stupid. like seriously, did you even try?
Damian: literally the most pathetic attempt at displaying intelligence i've ever seen. no wonder your original parents stopped calling.
Tim: *stares at the two blankly for fifteen full seconds*
Tim: ok well anyway-
Diana, leaning in to Dick: ...what was that about?
Dick, white-knuckling the table, blood pressure through the roof: they're. trying to train him.
Diana:
Diana: they're what now.
ok this is funnier than anything i said everybody reblog this version
got the down to fuck (death in the family) book for chirstymasy and ive been staring at the page that jason dies on and giggling because i keep thinking of jason waking up in the lazarus pit and seeing a fucking like 3 year old staring at him
you know i know that Jason being put in the pit was like. a whole heavily watched ceremony that lasted a couple of minutes at best, but how fucking funny would it be if like, the process was something that took hours to complete. and being busy with other shit, Ra's and Talia were just like 'ok just leave him in there we'll come check on him in a bit' like he was a loaf of bread in the oven or some shit.
like. imagine Jason coming up a little early than expected and the lazarus cave is just fuckin. EMPTY. apart from, the toddler standing at the edge of the pool, bag of seeds in hand, just kinda watching him. like. huh.
little three year old Damian, obsessed with animals, sneaking away from his tutor for the day to go exploring and coming across this empty cave with a fucking. green pond in the middle. and he's three, so his mind just immediately goes 'oooh, duck pond!' and brings down a bag of bird feed to try and attract some new friends. and he's down there for like. fifteen minutes. sprinkling seeds into the water and patiently hoping something will show up.
and then this six ft 200+ monster of a man just BURSTS up through the water, looking VERY disorientated, and he's dripping wet and there's seeds in his hair, and Damian and him just fucking look at each other in silence for a solid thirty seconds.
like twenty minutes later Talia and Ra's are interrupted during an important strategy meeting just for
Damian: mother, grandfather, i fed the ducks and found a friend.
Talia, too busy to look up from her files: that's nice, dear.
Damian: he did not like the seeds i fed him but his name is Jason.
Ra's: what- *turns around* oh my god.
Damian, sat on Jason's shoulders, looking entirely too smug with himself: he says he's a robin but he is far too big. personally, i think he resembles a cormorant.
Jason, unbothered: we agreed we'd meet in the middle and say i'm a mallard.
Talia and Ra's:
Clark: Hey, odd question, but does anyone have parenting experience?
Oliver: no
Barry: I have babysitting experience but not fatherhood
Diana: I was the last child on my island, so no.
Hal: I also only have babysitting experience
Arthur: I'm not a parent yet....I need three more months before my little turtle is here.
Bruce: Yes
JL: ....come again?
Bruce: I have children, so I have parenting experience. Why?
Clark stun: Um well I have a little boy and I needed advice....I'm sorry Batman has kids?
Bruce: I am the proud father of ten
Hal: Ten!?
Bruce: *stoneface* I love them very much. What advice do you need, Superman?
Clark: Er...well Danny is only five but he keeps breaking things around the house.
Bruce: Is it due to his Kryptonian strength?
Clark: No, hes adopted. He's a regular human
Bruce: When he breaks things, is it ussually when he's playing or after a moment of silence?
Barry: Why does that matter?
Bruce: It matters a lot. If its play time he's doing it on accident, but if its after moments of stillness and silence hes doing it on purpose to test Superman's boundaries. Children who are adopted from bad foster homes tend to test boundaries by seeking the punishment they believe will eventually come. He may not be completely settled in Superman's home yet.
Oliver: Oh my god, he is a father....
Clark: Danny is definitely doing it on purpose but I don't think its to test my limits. I think its more scientific curiosity? He tore apart my toaster to make a net launcher for ghosts
Hal: Did it work?
Clark: Yes it did launch a net but it only caught our landlord.
Bruce: So your son is a genius. Lucky for you, I have many children just like that. My third once hacked the Pentagon to place a coffee order in their cafe since I grounded him from the Batcoffee-maker.
Diana: Impressive
Bruce: Thank you. Superman, when Danny breaks things apart, does he ussually intend to use his inventions to fight ghosts?
Clark: Um yes?
Bruce: Excellent. Praise him, but gently explain that you need the items around the house and that you will, instead, take him to buy supplies once a month to build whatever he wants. You can put those expenses on my card. Also, bring the boy over; my genius children would love to meet another weaponsmith.
Clark: Wow! Thank you Batman!
Bruce: Please call me B. My children do.
Oliver: Am I the only one alarmed that B said "another" weaponsmith?
Bruce: It's Batman to you childrenless.
Dami info dump and um…idk if Jason likes Damian’s new friend-

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i really wanna draw chilumi but i have no ideas
also a moment of appreciation to childe’s anatomy pls
You know what was probably hilarious? The 180 that Bruce Wayne does when he adopts Dick - at least through the eyes of socialites and gala attendees. They are probably so used to Bruce Wayne being a drunken mess or doing something reckless and scandalous or being a flirt but then he appears after a hiatus after adopting a kid, who as attended as his plus one rather than some model or actress and...
Waiter #1: Did... Did Bruce Wayne seriously just ask whether that orange juice was organic?
Waiter #2: I mean, yeah, it's a genuine question
Waiter #1: But Bruce Wayne? The guy asked you last year whether ‘gluten’ was a type of new drug?
Waiter #2: Yup.
Politician: Is Bruce Wayne seriously cutting up that child's steak for him?
Socialite: I honestly didn't think he knew how to use cutlery. Remember last year when he stuffed that mini quiche into his mouth in one go? Those Prada models had to give him the Heimlich?
Dick: Bruce why is everyone staring? Did I do something wrong?
Bruce: No buddy, I just ordered a Coke and they're a little surprised.
Dick: Oh, are you not allowed Coke? That's OK, my mom never let me have soda after dinner either. I won't tell Alfred, I promise.
Bruce: Thanks, chum.
Waiter: Um, sorry Mr Wayne but the bartender wanted me to make sure that-
Bruce: Just a regular Coke with ice, please.
Waiter:
Bruce: I will still take it with a little umbrella.
Waiter: Oh thank god.
Danny: Jason, we talked about this Jason: Get out of the way Danny. I need to do this Danny: No. Jason this isn't you Jason: Bruce needs to learn that kids don't belong on the feild! Danny: Don't make me go nuclear Jason. Jason: Do your worst- Danny: Jason Todd, you're just like your father. Getting angry and beating a child. Jason: .... Danny: .... Jason: That was messed up Danny Tim: It really was Danny.I mean, thank you for stopping him from attacking me but damn.
Maddie: Danny, who is this?
Danny: This is......Bob.
Maddie: Bob?
Danny: Yeah, Bob. He's my friend.
Maddie: a friend, you snuck into your room at this hour?
Danny: He's my....boyfriend....?
Maddie: *sigh* Honey, I'm okay with you liking boys. I'm not okay with you sneaking them into your bedroom. Bob, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave. We have to call your guardians to come pick you up.
Jason, Freshly dug his way out of a grave: aughhhh?
Maddie: I know but this is completely unacceptable behavior. You're both far too young.
Jason frog blink: Ugh?
Danny: He doesn't speak English!
Maddie: What? How have you been communicating with him then?
Jazz from down the hall: Interpretive Dance!
Danny swaying his hips: That's right!
Maddie: ......So you inherited your father's amazing flirtation skills, I see. Alright, but we are still calling his guardians.
Danny: Of course *under his breath* as soon as I find them.

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Jason: Hi!
Danny: Good evening
Jason: Oh um, yes, good evening. Do you eat to survive?
Danny: What?
Jason: Ha ha ha! I'm joking! Of course you eat, um I eat too! But why?
Danny: I don't-what are you asking me?
Jason: Gotham is beautiful at night! It's when I eat!
Danny: Are you a-
Dick appearing out of nowhere: Hey there, Jay. You wandered off while I was getting us water. Sorry about him. He's very drunk. I'll take him home to sleep it off.
Danny: *Grabbing Jason's writ* Do you know him?
Jason: Yes, he's my brother. See, that's my family. *Shows lock screen of family* I have many siblings, which means I would be totally fine with lots of kids!
Danny: *Let's go* Oh good. Sorry if he's really that drunk I didn't want him going home with a stranger. No offense
Dick: None taken. I appreciate men like you who keep everyone safe. Come along Jay, let's get you home.
Jason: But-
Dick: You asked me to step in when you were going out of control. Remember?
Jason: Right yes. Ugh Bye.
Danny: Goodbye.
Dick outside of bar: That was terrible. You really do suck at flirting.
Jason: I just froze up! Ugh I hope he doesn't think I'm a idiot.
Danny watching them through the window: That's a vampire pretending to be human. I can smell the undead on him and he was going to lure me to a dark alley if his human servant hadn't stepped in.
Jazz: I was gone for like five minutes Danny, how did you find a creature of the night within that time?
Danny: It's a gift. Thankfully, I'm too smart to be tricked by a vampire.
Jazz: ......you would have followed him into the alley wouldn't you?
Danny: He may be a blood sucker but did you see his muscles? What a way to die.
Ra’s is of course Damian’s grandfather and he has a relationship with Jason but his dynamic with the Robins always makes me chuckle when I picture it because you got this very old man who is technically immortal being sassed by these children, dressed like finger paintings whose lives in comparison to his are literally the lifespan of a housefly.
Ra’s: You’re are a Grayson? And the Dectective has trained you in all forms combat? You can take down criminals and use deduction skills? And you’re only nine?
Dick: *nodding*
Ra’s, doing mental math about how he’s going to steal Dick from the Court of Owls: You don’t say.
Ra’s: Talia, ghāliyatī, what the fuck is that?
Talia: That’s Jason. He’s my beloved’s son. We rescued him. Say hi Jason.
Jason: *blinking*
Ra’s:
Ra’s: Yeah, get that thing into a Lazurus pit or put it down, he looks like he bites.
Also Ra’s, sometime later: I love this child, if anything happens to him, I shall kill the Bat, the world and then myself.
Tim: You’re a dumbass. Did you think I wouldn’t work it out that it was you? Only two people would use an eco-friendly explosive and know where to put it on my bike, and Poison Ivy was been on a week long hunger strike in the Amazon.
Ra’s, tearfully: Son!
Stephanie: But like, if it is eyeliner, how do you keep it from smudging?
Ra’s: Shouldn’t you be asking where I have stashed the Bat, young lady?
Stephanie: Yeah, I already know, he’s being rescued as we speak but I seriously have to ask because the situation you have going on with your eyeliner every single time we meet, like no matter how many asses you kick or punches you swing, it doesn’t budge? It’s art, Mr al Ghul.
Ra’s:
Ra’s: You’re going to need kohl, powder is best but stick will do. Can you get a proper miswak in Gotham? No? I will give you the number of my guy.
Stephanie: You have a guy?
Ra’s, offendedly gesturing to his face: What to do think this is? Max Factor?
Damian: Grandfather, do you love me?
Ra’s: Damian, qalbī, of course I love you.
Damian: But am I your favourite Robin?
Ra’s, sweating: What?
Damian: Am I your favourite Boy Wonder?
Ra’s, trying not to look at Tim’s shrine in the corner: You are my favourite grandchild.
Damian:
Ra’s: Would you like a new puppy?
Dan: Hey, there is a new delivery I need you to make.
Danny: Sure. What's the address?
Dan: It's the Ice Hibiscus Tea guy.
Danny: Again? That guy ordered the same thing four times this week!
Dan: He's single handly keeping me in business. Plus he tips well doesn't he?
Danny: Yeah last time he gave me a fifty.
Dan: Well, there you go.
Danny: Alright, I'll be back.
Meanwhile, in Wayne Manor
Alfred: Master Tim, will you be joining us for dinner?
Tim pacing in front of the door: No, I ordered delivery.
Alfred: If I didn't know this was a pathetic ploy to charm the delivery boy, I would take offense of how many times you ate that rubbish over my home-cooked meals.
Tim:....pathetic?
Alfred: Utterly pathetic. He doesn't even know your name. He calls you Ice Hibiscus Tea Guy.
Tim: How would you know- nevermind you know everything.
Alfred: Yes, indeed. Fix your hair and pop open the top three buttons of your shirt. You might get his attention this time if you do.
Danny: My upstairs neighbor kept me up by stomping around at two am again.
Tucker: I thought you lived on the top floor?
Danny: I do.
Tucker: Then how-?
Danny: Wait for it.
*Thump thump thump thump*
Tucker: What is that!? Mutant rats!?
Danny: I wish. *opens window* RED HOOD IF YOU KEEP STOMPING ON MY ROOF, I'M GOING UP THERE AND PUTTING YOU BACK IN A GRAVE
Red Hood: COME AT ME!
Danny: *crawling out window* I WILL
Tucker: *yanking him back in* No, he won't! Sorry, Mr.Hood! He's not in his right head!
Red Hood:....who are you? I've never heard your voice before. Are you his boyfriend?
Danny: HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. IM SINGLE AND CAN KICK YOUR ASS
Red hood: OH YEAH!? I KICK YOURS AND TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT!
Danny: YEAH!? WELL I CAN TAKE YOU ON A LONG WALK ON THE BEACH!
Tucker: What's happening
Red Hood: PROVE IT. TAKE ME OUT.
Danny: I WILL. FRIDAY. SEVEN. BE HERE.
Tucker: Are you flirting? Or are you scheduling a fight?
Danny: Not now, Tuck, I've got to prepare for Friday. Grab your wallet, we need to go shop for a date outfit.
Tucker: It's almost midnight!
Danny: Damn....let's got rob a clothes store.
Red hood: I HEARD THAT
Danny: WHAT ARE YOU A NARC!?
Bruce also does the parent thing whilst texting btw.
--
Bruce: he is here.
Tim: who?
Tim: hello?
Tim: WHO IS HERE? SHOULD I CHANGE INTO RED ROBIN OR NOT?
(Jason came for dinner)
--
Bruce: It is over.
Dick: what is over? Is the world over?
Dick: Bruce!?
(The league meeting ended)
--
Bruce: it has all gone to plan.
Clark: uh what?
Clark: Batman? Bruce Wayne? Bruce!?
Clark: please don't tell me you've gone evil and are planning to take over the world :(
(Clarks surprise birthday party on the watchtower was all set up)
--
Bonus, where daimian who had never used a phone before in his life, also texts like bruce:
Damian: Do not come home
Jason: ...
Jason: why?
Damian: Do not come home.
(He wanted to meet up with Jason on patrol)

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i assume you are aware of Fatson Todd and all i’ve been thinking about today is how you would right Jason reacting along with the rest of the Batfam…
anyways, i really love your stuff and you’re so funny, reading it makes my day!! have a great week 💚❤️
oh my god jason would love him. that's his child. it really pisses everybody else off though. one of the street kids with a flare for arts-and-crafts made it for him and he carries it around on patrol in a baby carrier strapped to his chest. the others get sick of it within 3 minutes and it devolves into an argument every time it gets brought up.
Jason, petting Fatson Todd's head as he goes through his strategies for a mission: and then we'll need to meet up behind this- Robin hold my son so i can use the map-
Damian, refusing to even look at the plush shoved under his nose: get that fat prick out my face, Hood.
Jason: don't fuckin' body shame your nephew.
-
*Bruce, walking into the kitchen and being greeted by yelling*
Jason: FUCKING NEGLIGENT PIECE OF SHIT-
Tim: JESUS CHRIST JASON IT'S A FUCKING DOLL-
Jason: AND IT'S MORE LOVED THAN YOU'LL EVER FUCKING BE YOU ABANDONED WETWIPE.
Bruce: woah, woah, what's going on here?
Jason: YOUR BITCH ASS REPLACEMENT OVER HERE-
Tim: i should have just let you end me back at the tower.
Jason: HE SPILT HIS FUCKING CEREAL MILK ON MY GODDAMN CHILD. AND HE WONT EVEN APOLOGISE.
Tim: i'm joining the league of assassins.
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce: i'm going back to bed.
-
Duke, calling Dick at 4AM: Grayson i swear to fucking god if you don't get your stupid bitch of a little brother to stop waking me up to ask me to babysit his fucking stuffed toy while he goes to the fucking iceberg lounge i'm going to blast him into the sun and this time he will not come back-
-
Talia, video calling Ra's to update him on league business: father, i have successfully-
Talia:
Ra's, glaring at the camera:
Talia: father, what is that on your lap.
Ra's: he told me he'd reveal how he overcame death if i was a nice enough 'great grandfather' to this... thing.
Talia:
Ra's: not a word, daughter.
Talia:
Talia: of course, father.
Fic prompt #53
Dpxdc
When Danny transferred to Gotham University after finally solving the whole ghost problem back in Amity Park, he had big dreams for his new, totally normal life. You know — good grades, a decent job, maybe some hobbies, and actual friends who didn’t try to exorcise him.
He nailed almost all of it. Grades? Great. Job? Got one. Hobbies? Sure. Friends? …Yeah, about that.
Apparently, “making friends” in Gotham was harder than fighting a ghost invasion. So Danny, in a stroke of questionable genius, decided to just gaslight people into being his friends. Step one: convince them they’d met before. Step two: keep acting like they were old pals until they actually became friends. Easy.
Meanwhile, somewhere across campus, Tim and Duke were losing their minds trying to figure out why neither of them remembered their best friend. Because clearly, they must’ve accidentally messed with the timeline again — there was no other explanation.
———————-
Danny’s plan started on a Tuesday. Because, in his experience, disasters had a thing for weekends — Tuesdays felt statistically safer.
He was hauling a stack of textbooks across the quad when he collided, hard, with someone coming around the corner. Books went flying. So did his soul — almost literally.
“Oh man, sorry—!” He dropped to help pick them up, then froze. “Wait. Tim? Dude! Long time no see!”
The guy blinked, all sharp eyes and caffeine exhaustion. “…I’m sorry, who?”
Danny laughed, easy and bright. “Oh, come on, you’re still doing that bit? Pretending we’ve never met? You haven’t changed a bit.”
The stranger — Tim, apparently not in on the joke — frowned slightly, like he was trying to scan Danny’s face for a memory that wasn’t there.
Before he could say anything, another guy showed up. “Hey, Tim, everything good?”
Danny lit up instantly. “Duke! Wow, both of you? This is déjà vu squared. What, did you plan this little act together?”
Duke blinked. “Uh—”
“Wow, you’re even doing the confused faces,” Danny said, shaking his head with mock admiration. “You guys really committed this time.”
The two exchanged a look — one of those silent conversations where entire theories were forming without a single word.
Danny could practically feel the gears turning. He recognized that face — the “there’s something bigger going on here” look. He’d seen it a hundred times from people who’d stumbled into ghost business. Except this time, he wasn’t the weird one. Technically.
He smiled wider, pretending not to notice their suspicion. “Anyway, it’s good seeing you again. You two still hang out at that café on Fifth, right? The one with the bad espresso?”
Tim’s eyes narrowed a fraction. “You know that place?”
Danny shrugged, casual. “Sure. I used to third-wheel you guys there all the time. Guess some things never change.”
A pause. Both of them were staring at him now, still saying nothing — just watching, analyzing, wondering.
Danny clapped his hands together. “So! Coffee? My treat. It’ll come back to you once the caffeine hits, promise.”
Neither agreed, but somehow, five minutes later, they were all sitting at a café table. Danny stirred his drink, perfectly at ease, while Tim and Duke kept stealing glances like they were trying to solve an equation that refused to add up.
Danny smiled into his cup.
“Man,” he said softly, “it’s really good to see you guys again.”
And that, as far as he was concerned, was that.