hand in unlovable hand

weed gummies are such a fake sounding concept like yeah if you eat this piece of candy and wait an hour you'll suddenly become very easily entertained and airheaded and cuddly

willy wonka creation

at some point yall just gotta join a religious group and preach bc im tired of yall acting like sex/porn/poly/etc is bad every fucking month. we are one discourse cycle away from ‘sex before marriage is bad’ like go be a mormon and gtfo

you shouldnt have to pay for the dentist. the dentist should pay me for satsifying their weird fetish

I took a bus to a conference today and the bus driver fully stopped the bus to identify and chastise a person who was playing music out loud on their phone. That is how you get me to actually complete the customer service survey specifically so I can give you top ratings

It's days later and I'm still thinking about this man. Full ass bus pulled over to the side of a state highway with the hazards on, stalking down the center aisle intoning "ALL RIGHT. WHO'S GOT IT. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ON SPEAKER." I want to commission a statue of him. a hero. a king.