HAND ON MY HEART. HAND ON MY STUPID HEART
ross gay / susan sontag / unknown / richard siken / warsan shire / lana del ray / tturing / hera lindsay bird / richard siken
ojovivo
will byers stan first human second

Discoholic 🪩

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Claire Keane

titsay
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Cosmic Funnies

Origami Around
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oozey mess

izzy's playlists!
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trying on a metaphor

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d e v o n
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@criticalcriminal
HAND ON MY HEART. HAND ON MY STUPID HEART
ross gay / susan sontag / unknown / richard siken / warsan shire / lana del ray / tturing / hera lindsay bird / richard siken

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wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the devil. earth colored hat to hide from god
— Traci Brimhall, “Mystery, Play” from Come the Slumberless To the Land of Nod
An isolated nun in Romania (x)

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vi. deep field - 8.6.22 @nosebleedclub
in the hundred acre river deformed minnows dart between the slats of park benches. the water is six feet deep and tinged eutrophic green. we met here in the beginning, in this deep field. you were ferrying survivors to the shore of the first floor of an office building two blocks away. i had come to see the damage. i reached for their hands and pulled them over the gap. your eyes were the color of the polluted water. i still come here, to see if the water has receded. to see if this is where you go. sometimes in the mornings i meet a swan with angel wings. her eye is clouded stone.
“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…” Hermes Trismegistus
“In a 1994 Harvard study that examined people who had radically changed their lives, for instance, researchers found that some people had remade their habits after a personal tragedy, such as a divorce or a life-threatening illness. Others changed after they saw a friend go through something awful, the same way that Dungy’s players watched him struggle.
Just as frequently, however, there was no tragedy that preceded people’s transformations. Rather, they changed because they were embedded in social groups that made change easier. One woman said her entire life shifted when she signed up for a psychology class and met a wonderful group. “It opened a Pandora’s box,” the woman told researchers. “I could not tolerate the status quo any longer. I had changed in my core.” Another man said that he found new friends among whom he could practice being gregarious. “When I do make the effort to overcome my shyness, I feel that it is not really me acting, that it’s someone else,” he said. But by practicing with his new group, it stopped feeling like acting. He started to believe he wasn’t shy, and then, eventually, he wasn’t anymore. When people join groups where change seems possible, the potential for that change to occur becomes more real. For most people who overhaul their lives, there are no seminal moments or life-altering disasters. There are simply communities⏤sometimes of just one other person⏤who make change believable.
One woman told researchers her life transformed after a day spent cleaning toilets⏤and after weeks of discussing with the rest of the cleaning crew whether she should leave her husband.
“Change occurs among other people,” one of the psychologists involved in the study, Todd Heatherton, told me. “It seems real when we can see it in other people’s eyes.”
The precise mechanisms of belief are little understood. No one is certain why a group encountered in a psychology class can convince a woman that everything is different, or why Dungy’s team came together after their coach’s son passed away. Plenty of people talk to friends about unhappy marriages and never leave their spouse; lots of teams watch their coaches experience adversity and never gel.
But we do know that for habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is feasible. The same process that makes AA so effective⏤the power of a group to teach individuals how to believe⏤happens whenever people come together to help one another change. Belief is easier when it occurs within a community.”
⏤ The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg
stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

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the birds
A Lesbian Love Advisor, 1989
You wonder why I turn away from you in the night.
My lust is a setting sun, my hell is very lonely.
I was murdered by my desire.
— Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from “Young God,” La Movida

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10.1.22
[I dream
and I dream
of a woman in bed with me;
warm sunlight between the sheets.
I live
and I lose
and I limp away.
I wake up,
gray,
anyway.]