I guess in some people’s eyes, I was flawless.. superhuman, perhaps. So they expected me to always be strong and never do wrong. But as time went on, a few of them claimed to have seen me for my true colors and believed that seeming invincible was simply a mask that I put on. Well, really, what do you even know about me? Shit, what do I even know about myself? Maybe I’m not superhuman at all, maybe I’m just a guy who claims to be misguided and uses the phrase, “I’m only human” entirely too much. Maybe I like to feel sorry for myself. Shit, can’t you tell by some of my writings? Maybe I get tired of being strong sometimes.. damn, maybe y’all should just let me be weak sometimes. Maybe I’m just who you want me to be. I mean, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, no doubt, I’m your guy.. you can bet I’ll listen to you all night and be there to wipe your tears away but little do you know, in the blink of an eye, I can flip the script and easily become the asshole making those same tears fall. But you don’t understand me though. You don’t know shit about the thoughts in my head or the strength it takes daily to convince myself that I can be the person I want to be, and not who society expects me to be. But you don’t understand that though. And shit, here I go again sounding sorry for myself. Maybe I should apologize to myself because almost all of my battles are between me and me. And somehow, I still lose. Somehow, I still get defeated and then blame society for stabbing me in the back even though the knife has been in my own hand all along. Most of y’all couldn’t survive a day with a brain like mine.. always pounding harder than my heart does. Which explains some of the mistakes I’ve made as I often neglected my better judgment and made some of the worse decisions of my life when it comes to “love”. Oh yes, by the way, this whole thing is supposed to be about love.. don’t worry, I’m just warming up. But back to the topic, it’s amazing how the brain can be your best friend and your worst enemy all at the same time. I’ve learned the hard way that when it comes to love, the worst thing you can do is let you mind get too involved as you find yourself pondering devastating late night thoughts. But I’m such a fuck-up, I can’t help but constantly think about fucking up. Which I have done many times, and if you looked back on my track record, shit stains are still visible on roads that I have previously walked on. And as I began to slowly walk away from my past, women scorned yelled my way that one day, I, too, will get what I deserved. Shit.. but then I met you. Do I deserve you? Sometimes I wonder what you could possibly be seeing in me but your love is so rare and undying, it makes me realize that having you in my life is a blessing and not a punishment. I’m forever indebted to you as you have shown me a kind of love that I thought only existed in movies, the kind where you are able to see me for me and not run away. I am so unbelievably in love with you, the thought of ever losing you makes me ill at heart. I never want to detach my lips from yours as your kisses do indeed make me feel superhuman. I wrote this whole thing from a psychological point of view because I want you to know that it is because of you that I am finally able to be myself today. Baby, I know your love is unconditional and because of you, I finally know how to love back. Thank you for being my superwoman.
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