Gallifreys Wokest Dictator

Someone goes "do you want to, like, get over her" and Elphaba goes "no she's the love of my life."

Peter: did you release those zombie-inducing spores into the Gotham waterway?!

Pamela: no! :)

Peter: Okay cool.

Wally: ??? She’s clearly lying??

Peter: dude…you need to start believing women more.

Pamela: shhh ;)

Wally: SHE’S LITERALLY WINKING AT US HELLO?!

Dick: I thought we talked about this Wals :(

Wally: She’s evil guys I’m telling you-

Peter: she’s reformed Wally! And also my boss. There’s no way.

Wally: oh because you’ve had SUCH a great track record with that before.

Peter: well fuck women in STEM I guess!

Pamela: Every step you take forward gets undermined by another weirdly competitive ginger behind you :(

Dick: where’s your solidarity for other redheads?

Peter: it’s hard enough working in a male dominated field (gaslighting) without being accused of villainy. Cut her some slack! Jeez.

cats: horrifying and unpredictable. claws. hates you and people find that charming? my human family already dislikes me why would I want a pet that does too.

dogs: 100 pound freight train love missile whose obsessed with you and may eat an intruder as a little treat.

I will stick to my 2 love missiles who scream at me when I don’t give them enough attention thank you I know where their loyalties lie. I know they like me.

Also their claws aren’t scary.

I think this whole “cats are big on consent” thing is weird as fuck and applying human morals to animals, the same way it’s weird to call carnivorous predators “evil”. You are pushing human morality onto animals once again and that’s still weird.

All animals have personal boundaries. And yet nothing else behaves like cats do.

for example, we have a microscope that is perfectly functional, good microscope, but its software is abandonware because the company refused to maintain it. the company is still in business, still makes essentially the exact same software, but they made all of the old tech incompatible with new software to force people to buy the new microscope tech. it would cost a quarter million dollars to replace this microscope. this perfectly good microscope.

When the Good Place said “Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.” 

jiji, as i would come to name her, was finishing up ringworm treatment & was thus in isolation away from the other shelter cats. the staff informed me that while she was safe to be adopted out, their shelter policy was that she had to be the last cat i saw that day to avoid any risk of spreading the infection. i assured them that that wasn’t an issue for me — i was here for one cat and one cat only

they repeatedly asked if i was sure about this — i really didn’t at least want to look at any other cats?? my answer didn’t change. yes, i’m sure. i’m here for jiji. no one else.

and so after a bit of paperwork and some wrangling to get her into the cat carrier, jiji came home with me

i quickly learned, however, that the reason jiji had been at the shelter for over three months was that she was, to put it mildly, an asshole. she had been a stray for some time, given birth to kittens very young, and generally had had a rough go of it, so her disposition was understandable, but the fact remained. she was an asshole. upon our first meeting in the shelter, she grabbed onto my foot and started bunny kicking my shoe with gusto. she stole my food as i was eating it. she scratched me so frequently that a coworker noticed & expressed concern.

however, up until this point, i’ve left out a critical detail of the story. a year ago today, possessed by some sort of temporary cat-induced mania, i didn’t adopt one cat. i adopted two.

on the same day, from a totally different shelter, i also adopted a tiny little one eyed kitten named ramona. how i ended up with ramona is another story for another day — the important part is that she was very young and very small, and she joined my hardened stray in my postage stamp sized apartment approximately one hour later

i did my absolute best to follow the standard protocol for introducing cats to each other. i tried to keep ramona in my bedroom and jiji in the living room and to introduce them slowly

but the separation lasted about two days, however, because jiji, my asshole former street cat who viewed my limbs as her favorite scratching posts, took one look at this scruffy little one eyed thing, asked “is anyone going to be this kitten’s mom?”