CrimsonPassion

Don't get me wrong (and I know Ive moaned about this before) I love my partner and our dogs more than the air I breathe, but it's just such a bummer sometimes not any community anymore. I miss my folks so much. It gets so lonely not having the comradery I used to while doing the things I enjoy. Everyone's either spread to the winds or so busy or so tired it's impossible to just DO things together. And moving, while being everything we've wanted for like a year and a half, just feels like it made all that even worse. I'm completely drained all the time too, so the lack of community makes doing things that, you know, make life worth living are just so hard to even want to do anymore. Changing my work hours definitely made that way worse (surprise, a change I tried to make for the positive backfired. Who could've ever guessed?) Every day is a struggle to either enjoy myself or be a functioning human. There's never time to do both, and often, the decision results in me doing neither.

The gym's starting to feel like a lost cause anymore since I don't have the energy to prepare proper food. There's no one there to make the work enjoyable and 90% of the workouts are bad. It just feels like I'll never accomplish my goals because of who I am. I don't feel good, I don't feel strong, I don't feel attractive or desired. Gets real hard to remember what the point is sometimes, which maybe sucks the most because for a long time, this was the only thing that DID make me feel any of those things.