Feb 3, 2020
Me: Well time to go to sleep so I'm not exhausted all day at work tomorrow.
Depression spirals: Or we could think about being a failure for a few hours instead ;)
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Me: Well time to go to sleep so I'm not exhausted all day at work tomorrow.
Depression spirals: Or we could think about being a failure for a few hours instead ;)
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The universe is a torment engine specifically designed to remind me of what I cannot have. But like, in a kawaii way.
Time for another round of everyone's favorite weekly gameshow: Is It Depression or Low Testosterone?
Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine, it's fine, everything's fiiiine. I'm definitely not spiraling into a pit of existential dread because all the time and effort and money I've spent for me to wind up with this shitty, ugly, broken body instead of ever once accomplishing even a modicum of my goals.
Why do you ask?
*through furious, gritted teeth*
"Don't spiral about it. Take a break and don't spiral about it. Once you can catch your breath, you can get right back to it. Don't spiral about it. You can and will do better. But DON'T SPIRAL ABOUT IT.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Me, in the middle of the work day after imagining all the things and all the ways something could go wrong now that we're finally getting a place of our own.
Super uncool that I have to deal with the ravages of customer service while fighting for my life trying not to spiral into a deep depressive episode😵💫
Really feeling the weight of, like, the lack of community lately. I just feel so disconnected from everyone around me. Most of my tight-knit circle of friends have all scattered across the country and I just dont have the ability to follow them. And life makes it so difficult to connect with the ones that are still nearby.
I miss being able to hit up a friend out of nowhere and just go hang out; easy, accessible, spontaneous fun. Now even the most low key events require days or weeks of prior scheduling for a small handful of quality time. And a lot of the time it's been so long since I've seen any of them it feels like we have to relearn how to be comfortable around each other again.
I miss having regular big events to look forward to that I knew I would see essentially all of my favorite people, all at once. I miss conventions and holiday parties and birthdays that were just a couple hours away for anyone to attend because we all lived nearby. Now it takes plane flights or full day drives to see most anyone.
Even with the few friends that are nearby, between work or kids or general life maintenance, sometimes it just feels impossible to find and make time to hang out. Everyone is so busy and we're all so tired all the time...
And I know some of the leg work has to be mine, but I was never good at meeting new people. I've always had someone more outgoing to make the connection first. It's also hard to find quality people worth spending time with anymore. My time IS more of a commodity these days and it's just not worth using it on people that I don't really really jive with.
I don't know man. I get tired sometimes. Things feel heavy without my circle, without my people😔