broke my phone by throwing it against the wall, a month after the last time i did that. i'd be embarrassed if the people at the repair place recognized me, and i feel like they would. i stand out. it's not worth fixing, maybe i'll just see how long i can go without a phone. struggling with shame again, with jealousy, with despair. i don't like the person i am. i try so hard and i feel so broken, at the end of the day. i feel like i've tried it all. i feel like things were meant to get easier with time and they haven't. there are things i want but i don't think i deserve them. tired of just finding a way to survive. switched from therapy every other week to every week. maybe it'll help. i don't know. i think the problem is me. i don't know.















