Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

the species that can take you out are literally wizards with magic boom sticks that instantly wound you from a distance. they're mostly just scared of you though, if you catch one without the boom stick they're very easy to kill. also they leave treasure chests full of delicious food around where they live and if you're smart you can figure out how to open them. going into one of their settlements is basically a dungeon crawler RPG.

Hibernation lasts 6 months in Alaska I think. Truly powerful.

king priam told me achilles keeps killing his warriors so i asked how many warriors he has and he said he just goes to the anatolian countryside and recruits new warriors afterwards so i said it sounds like he’s just feeding warriors to achilles and then hector started crying.

come back to me most perfect of comics

I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger

Okay, but a lot of books would be that long if you laid the pages out

the average printed page is 6 inches wide. so if a book is 128 pages, its 64 ft long. I dont think I own a book with fewer than 128 pages.

It's honestly not that impressive at all. Fuck Imhotep and his pathetic short book.

you cant even begin poems with "i will sodomise and facef uck you" anymore. because of woke .

Are we going to talk about the fact that the translator turned it into a shape poem. Of a penis.

Hades gives Orpheus a trial he knows he himself could never succeed at, but it isn’t just that Hades knows he would turn around. Hades has been failing this trial every single year. He shows up too early. He turns too soon. He is so full of doubt that even the natural order of the world, that Persephone will return to him, is not something he can trust. Hades would fail the trial he has given Orpheus, and he already has. All alone, his blood runs thin.