bald hell

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line

Every photo of Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan together looks like a a respectable mafia boss father named Giovanni and his weird son who bites sometimes

cake is such an underappreciated band. i can’t believe we brought back low rise flare jeans before we brought back cake in the top 40

i’m just saying cake’s music would be widely regarded as so sexy if it wasn’t for all the mariachi horns and vibraslap and the vocalist didn’t always sound like he was explaining his suicide plans to a gun store clerk in sacramento. the world wasn’t ready for them

The fact that it sounds like a dispassionate reading of a terrorist manifesto is a feature

Contemporary art haters will be like "i don't get it" and then not read the title or artist statement or the medium or the year or

starting a conspiracy theory that all scientific beliefs were correct at the time they were developed. the earth was the center of the solar system until later it changed and thats why gallileo noticed. you used to be able to cure tuberculosis with mercury and cocaine. subatomic particles didnt act like that until we tried to look at them

we are the daughters of the grandmothers you couldn’t hit with bazookas