The Emperor Protects

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

Trolling my biologist D&D player by sending the party on a quest to prevent the destruction of a mystical seal, and when they finally get there it quickly becomes clear that I'm actually describing a walrus.

t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

so many people don't understand how abelist it is to kill your brother with a rock

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

I heavily fw bro

All fantasy authors wish they had a bigger bathtub in their house. You can tell by every bathing scene ever written into a fantasy novel

you can watch the literal dumbest movie ever made and be like wow that was the literal dumbest movie ever made and I felt nothing and then in the middle of the night your animal brain can still be like what if a clown had got in my house

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool