it reaches in and tears your flesh apart

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

aint it crazy how everyone is famous nowadays and yet I dont know who anyone is. there are countless people that will have more followers on instagram than the population of Sacramento and no one I know irl has ever heard of them

being an adult is always like i have to go to the store i have to go to the store i have to go to the store

it’s not easy being the naked in the window transsexual neighbor but someone has to do it

hello my name is car person and i would like to drive down the road at 1 william miles per hour at 2:04 in the morning. my automotive vehicle makes more noise than an airplane and i want everyone to know just how cool i am for spending several thousand dollars on aftermarket parts to make it go slightly faster which is why i also removed the part that makes it quiet because everyone deserves to know that my car goes slightly faster than a stock vehicle of the same make and model because i'm cool. also did i mention it is 2:04 in the morning

Messing up my customer service hotline job and playing a gunshot sound effect over the phone then coming back with a slightly different accent

I think that if I unsubscribe I should stop getting the emails

i'm bored let's abuse stimulants

if you've ever applied for a job you deserve 50 million dollars in financial compensation