In a different place

Hi! Thank you for reaching out again! My weekend was actually spent on beefing with Byakuya bc he is a stubborn character that doesn't want to work with me on the accidental confession fic. I think I've rewritten and added and got rid of so much when working on this fic and I'm still not satisfied... but nevermind that, my frustration with Captain Kuchiki isn't really the topic here, haha. (I HOPE HE GOES BALD OR SMTH THOUGH BC MAN I'M STRUGGLING WITH HIM, POSH ASSHOLE)

As for Mayuri I actually was constantly rereading my work and asking myself if it still reads as him - if he isn't too soft or totally out of character. Part of this process was me getting rid of like 5 or so pages of standardised text bc I felt like I went overboard with his character and he was too romantic or it didn't fit the whole story. Usually when I write the characters I also read manga panels with them or watch my favorite scenes with them, I try to listen to their themes if they have one as well, I try to capture how their voices sound in the anime (for Mayuri it was screeching and hissing hahaha). Some characters (usually those I love and I'm obsessed with like my Lord and Saviour Aizen) are easier for me to write and capture their essence. Sometimes I check their MBTI and that helps with deciding on how that character would act in certain situations. With Captain Kurotsuchi it was probably also helpful that my fiance is a scientist getting his PHD in neurobiology/pharmacology so I can listen to his stories about lab work and working with people who lack brainpower hahahah.

Second: I work in the medical field so it was especially refreshing to see a beautiful cohabitation of clinical sterility and what is clearly romantic feelings. Mayuri absolutely would not recognize romantic feelings and instead interpret them to be scientific infatuation. An itch he cannot scratch. I can feel the effort and work you put into your writing and I adore it. The ryuken fic had me at the edge of my seat the whole time, like it really was perfect and the way you painted the reader insert to be damn near his complete opposite was STELLAR. Way too often have I seen people writing the reader insert as a carbon copy of the character they’re being paired with and it does get stale for an opposites attract kind of person (me !). Mayuri and reader are similar in their profession and mildly personality but the clashing aspects is what kept me glued to the screen omg. I hope I don’t sound absolutely INSANE about this 😭.

Also I am in love with your writing process, it’s an amazing method for writing that I never even considered!!! I might have to give it a try for a fic I’m stuck on.

Third: byakuya is a complex character to write sometimes because his pride is a massive wall blocking people. You have to dance around his pride until it complies and yes, he deserves to go bald for this ❤️. Do not give up on your fight against byakuya, I believe in you!!!!

Boy am i glad that the con has a facebook page so i can post this photo:

You are capable of harm

You have some level of power and agency

Ergo it is your responsibility to communicate your needs and boundaries

If you lie to someone about something being okay when it isn't, that is on you

Something being a trauma response doesn't exempt it from harming your relationships and the other people in them

Enabling your trauma responses will not make them go away, and it is your responsibility to work on yourself for your own wellbeing as well as the people around you

Being A Victim cannot be a pillar of your identity forever, and being victimized does not make you incapable of harming other people (see above)

You are not a mouse in a jean jacket you are an eel with a gun / adult human being who can use your words even if it's Scary

in the vein of my 2014 post…

tell yourself things you do not believe. it feels stupid at first but I've done this for years and now I believe it when I say "I'm good at this" or "I love myself" or "I deserve good shit!"

make a note of every mundane good thing that happens to you. mental or literal notes! could be as little as "the sky is a nice shade of grey, it's calming" or "I ate a piece of fruit today, I'm looking after myself" or "I talked to a friend". again, feels stupid at first, but I genuinely believe this is part of why I have so many "good days". trick your brain into storing things in your long-term memory that you wouldn't otherwise remember.

they're coming from someone who had multiple daily panic attacks for half a decade. someone who genuinely felt like he did not deserve to live. someone who hated himself so much he convinced himself he was irredeemably evil. someone who loves being alive these days, even though it's difficult sometimes.

Riolu-to-Riolu communication (100% packet loss)

“ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴜʙɪɴᴇ.”

✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦