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YOU ARE THE REASON

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we're not kids anymore.

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Jules of Nature
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Sweet Seals For You, Always

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One Nice Bug Per Day

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@consulkingdetective
Happy Halloween!

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Seeking familiarity amongst dozens of anonymous faces
As a gay woman, people-watching for me seems to be looking for other people “like me” in crowds of anonymous faces, trying to see a hint of familiarity, the possibility of “could they be…” Yesterday at a wedding my attention got drawn to a woman in a nice grey blazer and flat shoes who was walking by.
I didn’t think much more of it then, but a little while later, when people had started dancing I noticed her again, occasionally obstructed by the dancing crowd, sitting on the other side of the dance floor next to another woman in a grey blazer. They were sitting very close and talking animatedly about something, being seemingly affectionate with each other, and then at one point one of them placed a quick peck on the other’s lips.
My evening got a hundred times better after that, because I had seen two people “like me” who were comfortable with each other, living their life, being happy. Such small things can make such a big difference. I kept stealing glances at them occasionally throughout the rest of the evening and couldn’t help but smile.
It matters that you are represented accurately on screen, it matters that you can see people like you just living their life and being happy. And it matters because no straight person will ever understand the hunger, the near desperation of trying to find someone familiar, someone like you, in crowds of people. It matters because everyone deserves to feel like they belong and like they’re not alone. It matters. You matter.
What happened?
Hello everyone! I'm just letting you know that I am okay. What happened yesterday has left me confused and sad, asking the question "what happened?" over and over again. That for three series and TAB we seemed to have a clear thing going, a sure destination where things were headed, and then series 4 turned the whole thing upside down. So no, I don't know what happened, but I know that we were right, and they were wrong. That being said, I do unfortunately need to give myself a break from this blog, at least for a little bit. Because I know that other people are hurting too, and the place where I am now in my life is fragile and stressful enough without actively engaging in what is happening over here. However, if you want to chat with me about the events of late or anything else, you can message me on my other blog @ladiesandtea I've had going for a little while now. That's where I reblog lots of pictures of beautiful women and talk about Carol and the new Ghostbusters movie and generally just Very Gay Things. If that's something you like, you are welcome to follow the blog also. I am very grateful for what this fandom has given me in the past 2.5 years I've been involved in it. I have somehow been lucky enough to have gotten a best friend Ami @hudders-knows, with whom I can talk about anything and everything. And to have met the awesome human that is Em @usuallysubtextual, who showed me around Cardiff and even agreed to join me to watch a play in Manchester despite her busy schedule. And everyone else I've talked to, and everyone whose contributions, big or small, have affected my experience on this blog. Thank you. Tea ☕️
umm what the fuck??
Um if we get to see John like that in ep. 3… unbuttoned shirt, rolled-up sleeves, more gel than ever… my dudes…
Sherlock gently holding his violin and brushing against his edges, stroking his arm like a bow upon string while wrapping his hand around his neck, placing him under his chin, knowing all the right notes to play (and words to say).
SO YOU’RE SAYING THE BROKEN VIOLIN IN THE PROMOS WAS ACTUALLY JOHN WATSON??!?!?!?!?!

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TLD!John… or, just John.
So after I’ve had some time to think about this, I want to say some more words about TLD!John. Or, just John. Just John Watson.
Before TLD, I was begging for more John. That was the one thing I wanted most of all: to have John Watson back. You don’t always like things when they are given to you, even though you asked.
I asked for John Watson. I wanted John Watson to develop. I wanted more of him.
I got it. I was appalled. Naturally. I thought it was horrid, still do. Horrid, scary, and problematic.
But guess what? John and Sherlock both have done horrid, scary, and problematic things right from the start.
Sherlock drugged John and locked him in a lab to have the shit scared out of him as experiment. For proof? He did that, fully knowing that John has a war history. Then he jumped from a roof, condemning John to two years of extreme grief and mourning. How is that, any of that, okay? It isn’t. Why do we gloss that over? Oh, right, because John forgave him. Because the Sherlock we see in seasons one and two are the Sherlock John sees, and that colours our—the audience’s—perception. Sure, Sherlock is clever as fuck, and he’s scary, but he’s also very weird and maybe even oddly sweet. But we forgive him: it’s Sherlock.
We forgive Sherlock for three reasons. One: John forgives him. This is his POV, so the audience is likely to adopt his perception. So, John forgives him, and we forgive him. Two: that’s the first thing Sherlock is introduced as: a freak. We’re led to believe Sherlock may get off on crimes, he doesn’t do emotions in any capacity, he’s a social outcast, he’s a sociopath. Three: he developed. We got season three and we saw what was always there, just underneath the surface. We had time to adjust since then.
The sort of behaviour like drugging and locking John up and then jumping from a roof and damning John to two years of intense grief isn’t really contrary to the character as he was introduced to us, so we can get behind that. It isn’t stellar, it isn’t okay, actually isn’t okay at all, but to an extent we understand that. It’s still within the realm of that character’s world… and John forgives him. So we move on. And anyway, we have Sherlock realising his errors and striving to be a better man for John in season three. Isn’t it beautiful?
But why do we condemn John for the very same? Now I know that when I asked for more John Watson, what I was really asking for was this: can I have the one-dimensional John back from seasons one and two that called Sherlock amazing and looked at him as if he’d hung the moon? Can I have the John back who is always to a fault trying to be morally upright? Because that’s the John I wanted back.
I didn’t want a real John back. I didn’t want John to be like this. I didn’t want his messier side. I liked the messier side of him that likes a drink or two too much, the side that’s emotionally constipated. I didn’t like the rest.
But that’s the point the show makes. John himself even says so: “that’s the point. That’s the whole point.” We condemn John for the very same that we have seen Sherlock do because we don’t want to see it. Or at least I didn’t. Sherlock has become human and has progressed, and we’ve forgive him that. Hell, we’ve welcomed it, we’ve craved it, and now we look at him and think, yeah, obviously he can’t be anything but this underneath.
We saw Sherlock became human. Now John became human, too.
I think that’s what TLD is mostly about: for the audience not to forget that John isn’t just an army doctor with a danger boner. He’s also problematic and flawed. He shot a man in the first episode, and if that wasn’t a red flag for most of us I don’t know what else is. The John beating Sherlock to a pulp, as little as I like it, is still the John from season one and two and three. They’re the very same John—only this John has finally allowed himself to become human, after all these years.
Sherlock’s humanity is his softer side, his heart.
John’s humanity is this: his violent streak, a certain kind of monstrosity. We liked it when he shot a man for Sherlock in the first episode because that revealed a strong moral character, his “nerves of steel,” and because he saved Sherlock. Why do we stop liking it when we see the other side of that violence that necessarily must exist? Because it appals us. Because we don’t want to believe that this is something John is capable of. But he is.
Just as Sherlock is capable of the softer, warmer emotions, John is capable of the more monstrous, terrible ones. We shouldn’t forget that. John is human too. We take Sherlock’s humanity in stride because that’s what we wanted, but we see John’s humanity as fallibility, as horrible and wrong. It is horrible and wrong, just like Sherlock’s actions were, but it is still John. That’s the point of the show. They were both fucked up from the start, and we knew that. This could never be anything but a problematic and fucked up relationship, too.
But do you know what’s beautiful about it? Do you know the saving grace of this relationship? They’re two:
One, that when John became human, he did it in front of Sherlock. That humanity included beating Sherlock bloody, and it included crying and sobbing. Both in front of Sherlock.
Do you know how fucking monumental that is? That is a HUGE moment. This is the John whose grief we saw reflected only in Sherlock’s grave. Now we see John’s grief, as real as ever, and it is right in front of Sherlock. When we saw the world through John’s eyes, we got blinded to a certain extent: John included us in his grief but kept us at a distance. He allowed us to see that yes, he mourned Sherlock, yes, his entire world changed, but he didn’t allow us the details, didn’t allow us close. He didn’t allow us to see his face, his eyes, the tears on his cheeks.
And TLD? In TLD, he allowed Sherlock that.
Saving grace two is: they make each other better. Just like John unlocks love and affection in Sherlock and brings him down the sociopathic and superhuman pedestal and renders him blinking, stuttering, and in love, that’s what Sherlock does for John. Sherlock makes John loosen the tight grip he has on his own control, makes him lose it. Sherlock makes John let go, in more ways than one: he makes John laugh, but he also makes John angry and indulge in those violent impulses, and he also makes John cry and sob. He makes John human.
They make each other human. We’ve had a long time to adjust to Sherlock being human, and now it’s our turn to adjust to John being human and to welcome that: because it’s real.
But you know the best thing about it? Nobody gives a fuck if we can or want to adjust to that, because that isn’t the point. The point is for John and Sherlock to reach their human sides, to reach them with each other and accept them about each other. And just like they are fucked up and messy, their relationship is fucked up and messy. But that’s something they know, and still they are better together than without each other, always. And they know this.
Maybe we, the audience, forgot John is human. Lucky for us, Sherlock didn’t. He tells John that unfortunately he believes they may all be human from time to time, “even you,” John. Sherlock knows John, and what he ends up doing is welcoming John into his arms. When he embraces John, he doesn’t just embrace the John that cries. He embraces the John that kicked him while he was lying on the floor until he was bleeding, because he knows this is who John is, too.
And how does he do it? He does it looking overcome and overwhelmed that John would grant him this, finally grant him this. His mouth goes a bit slack, and he blinks rapidly. His hand may just be trembling a bit. This is a big moment for him, this is huge, and he feels overwhelmed. He feels grateful. He feels like this is everything he wanted.
Like John’s subconscious in the form of Mary agreed: yeah, Sherlock knows you. He knows you better than anyone else. And, knowing this, John stays in Sherlock’s arms. He allows Sherlock to see those damned tears on his cheek, dripping down his chin. He allows Sherlock to hear his sobbing, to see his shaking shoulders—
just like he allowed Sherlock to see and feel the rage in his face and fists and feet.
And here we are, having them at the end of the episode, embracing one another with all that they have become: human.
It is what it is.
they’re sat in the married ones’ flat?
Taking your own life. Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who will miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own, keep your hands off it.
Sherlock Holmes (The Lying Detective, BBC Sherlock)
This shook me up. Sherlock knew how much his ‘death’ affected John. He will never forget it and he will never forgive himself for putting John in that kind of pain.
(via thejohnlocker)
Within that 90 minutes, I get to play pretty much everything. I get to kick a bit of ass, I get to get very upset, I get to say funny stuff, I get to laugh, I get to chase people, I get to flirt and fall in love. It’s very, very layered, that character.
Martin Freeman (Masterpiece)
“Fall in love”!!! With how? Mary? he was in love with Mary before. SHERLOCK!!!! @love-in-mind-palace did you see that?!
(via @kajaono)
Fall in love wtf
(via love-in-mind-palace)
Martin fucked up again
(via johnlocklovein221b)
#SherlockPBS, Season 4, Episode 3 - “The Final Problem” - Sunday, January 15 at the special time of 7/6c on MASTERPIECE on PBS.

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“you’re suicidal you’re allowed chips”
Goodbye.
JOHN TELLING SHERLOCK TO TAKE HIS SHOT AT ROMANCE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE, BEFORE HE REGRETS IT
BECAUSE JOHN WOULD KNOW
he’s not talking about Mary, y’all
It is nonsense says reason It is what it is says love It is calamity says calculation It is nothing but pain says fear It is hopeless says insight It is what it is says love It is ludicrous says pride It is foolish says caution It is impossible says experience It is what it is says love
(Erich Fried)
THEY HUGGED. THEY TOUCHED.
here’s the thing in that moment i just want to say it out here. like. sherlock was absolutely on the verge of telling john he’s gay and in love with him, but he could TELL that wasn’t actually the moment. he was thinking it, you can see it on his face, hear it in his voice, but that moment was actually about john, and it had to be. sherlock had to hold it back just a little longer, and put the hat back on, because john needed the time to fully put mary behind him.
it’s okay. it’s good. that hat is coming off, the moment is coming
IT WAS NOT THE TIME

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I literally care about nothing else at this point except The Hug™ and Mrs Hudson