cryptids anonymous

it’s always “poor little meow meow” or “evil bastard” or “I could make him worse” what about men who are normal 🙄what about men who pay taxes and are well adjusted individuals and not at all insane

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

i was about to talk shit on how impractical round food storage containers are when fridges are square but if we didn't have them then where would soup go? certainly not a square container

i have soup in a rectangular container in my fridge rn

that's fucked up bro

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008), dir. David Fincher

why do people in dnd each occupy a 5ft by 5ft square, how far apart do you think people need to be? why are dnd minis afraid of touching

dnd minis standing five feet apart in a dungeon cuz they’re not gay

look, if the guy to my left has to do the turbo-macarena while charging a bolt of flesh melting while the guy on my right is doing every bruce lee move at the same time and the guy in front of me is flourishing a broadaxe like hes doing yo-yo tricks im going to give each of them enough floorspace to not liquefy myself

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

You can leave as many cookies as you want but he’ll only et two

traditional child-rearing sensibilities maintain that if a mother gives her son attention he’ll turn out gay, and if she doesn’t he’ll turn out autistic. if this is true, then logically every gay autistic person was raised by a mother in a constant state of quantum uncertainty, simultaneously giving and not giving affection. i call this hypothetical parent georgine bauer—schroedinger’s mother

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

[Showing you my camera roll] oh yeah heres me lost in the forbidden wood, afraid

Thats me scared because i found the witches hut

These next few are me running