I GAVE YOU A BANANA, SIR!

sure you've reblogged a million posts about how Love Is Stored In The Soup but are you like.... actually nice to people

“Nobody wants to work anymore” wrong. I never wanted to work in the first place

one time over christmas dinner my dad said something about how he respected margaret thatcher and his uncle just got up, left the house, and flew back to ireland.

people with severe executive dysfunction think like this and by people I mean me

*at the door to the selkie convention* good evening, ladies—allow me to take your coats

QUICK UPDATE: i am paying 182 alimony checks

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

Hi! This is a rickroll. Please visit youtube dot com, type "never gonna give you up" in the search bar, then click on the first video that comes up. Thank you for your consideration.

Happy March 32nd, everyone!

you can only reblog this once a year

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible