concept playlists

you haven’t had a very peaceful life. at every turn, there seems to be a dark presence that just looms. you long a calmer, more innocent time so much that it almost feels like a memory. 

the physical pain you feel from fighting so hard and being told that you’re not good enough, and you never will be.  that you are unworthy of success, and that you never will be. that your feelings and needs don’t matter to anyone else. 

your dad is driving you home from a doctor’s appointment. it didn’t go very well, but neither of you were expecting it to. nonetheless, you are going to enjoy this beautiful fall day. he throws on his favorite CD he burnt of all of his favorite songs back when you were just a kid. listening to them reminds you both of an easier time. he stops to get dunkin donuts: he gets a coffee and gets you a pumpkin donut. you guys take the long way home. 

i have some amazing people following this blog, so I was hoping you would support me (i’m a college student and i couldn’t work this summer because of covid) by purchasing some merch i made on redbubble for every $50 in profit I make this month I’ll donate a portion to the National Institute of Mental Health to help them continue their research.  please consider purchasing one of the products below or sharing this post if you cannot!!!!!! i have some with rainbow text and some spotify playlist codes to my most popular playlists but if there’s text or a spotify code you want message me and i will make it for you for a reasonable cost. thank you <3

you’re wearing black lipstick, a striped turtleneck, and a couple of chains. youre taking a walk around town to clear your head and smoke. your ex drives by and as he does he screams nasty stuff out the window at you. you catch up to him at a stoplight and his windows are still open so you spill your water bottle on his head and walk away smiling. 

you and your best friends just got all dressed up to go to a party. you’re all wearing sparkly low cut short dresses, your hair is done and you feel hot as hell. you all walk out together in your tall heels, and you feel like everyone you walk near is checking you out.

you look at yourself in the mirror. you have on your sexiest pair of lingerie, fishnets, and bright red lipstick. no one’s coming over, no one is there, and you don’t want anyone to be there. you do a little photoshoot and save the pictures for yourself, not to send to someone else.

you have red, orange, and yellow eyeshadow on one eye, and green, blue, and purple eyeshadow on the other. you put on a rainbow crop top with high waisted jeans. you grab your backpack and head to school, and keep your headphones in as you walk through the halls. you wave and smile at your friends in your study hall and join their game of Uno. 

missing your friends because you thought that the last time that you saw them wasn’t going to be the LAST time that you saw them, and having to keep in touch online isn’t satisfying and hurts your mental health

getting annoyed by everyone you live with, even if you love them, because you have to see them  every second of every day and sometimes you just need to be left alone

having so much free time that you start to think about all of your past trauma and fall back into unhealthy habits and coping strategies that you thought you had overcome a long time ago

feeling like this is the end of the world and things will never go back to the way they were, that you’re forever stuck in this limbo and it looks like nothing will get better

using this time to try to better yourself and take care of yourself, even though it is the worst possible circumstances you are going to at least take advantage of the extra free time to make sure you’re as mentally healthy as you possibly can be. it may not be easy but by god you won’t let it get to your head.

i’m pretty down in the dumps, too. i made you playlists to help you feel better! i know things are really, REALLY stressful right now and i’m not going to go into all the reasons why. i know playlists won’t fix everything, or anything, but hopefully they will at least give you a smile. it gave me a smile to make them for you. you are really special to me, and i hope you feel better. 

here’s ones that will make you feel like you’re home no matter where you are or who youre with

here’s one for the much needed dance party you’re having alone in your living room at 1am

you’re a lesbian pharaoh laying down naked on a velvet throne. beautiful women wrap you in jewels and gold and crystals, do your makeup, and make sure youre comfortable. then they bring in the most talented artists to paint your portrait.

you sneak out of your house to fight for women’s suffrage in the 1920s because your husband is a senator who opposes women’s suffrage but then you get arrested for protesting in front of the whitehouse. when he comes to bail you out, you tell him that you won’t go with him because a woman is not free in or out of jail. 

you and your best friend go to a dance together in the 50s. he comes to pick you up in his red thunderbird and you get in. you guys are of COURSE just friends, even though everyone thinks you are dating. you laugh about it on the way there, but as the night gets later and you start dancing, you notice you’re starting to get closer and closer to each other. then a slow song comes on...

youre inches, centimeters, millimeters away from your best friend’s face with their hand on your cheek and your hand on their waist. you have two choices: pull away and laugh it off and go back to the safety of being friends or to risk everything and close the gap. youve of course kissed people before, youve done much more than that, but youve never felt closer someone than you do right now. you savor the seconds or minutes you both spend getting closer, past the point of no return, and you did not know your body could feel such beauty until the gap closed.

youre in the back of the bus with your significant other. their head is on your lap and youre slowly and gently massaging their hair as they fall asleep. its dark out except for the headlights of the cars passing by. the rest of the bus is headed home from a field trip and your friends are nearby, safe, also sleeping. its almost like you are the only one awake. you are so in love with your s/o and care so much about your friends, you feel like you can protect all of them and make them feel safe as they sleep. 

youre crying all alone in your room, and you feel like you’ll never be happy again. but in between sobs, you hear a faint meow coming from underneath your door. its your cat. you open the door for her and she jumps up on your lap and meows until you stop crying. 

its been weeks since youve had any alone time with your significant other and tonight is the first time you’re going to spend the night at their place. their door is closed, their parents are asleep. when they walk towards you and ask, “is it okay if i kiss you?” you agree. before you know it you’re tangled up together underneath the sheets, and cannot seem to get close enough to each other no matter how firmly your bodies are pressed together.

1. find music that makes you happy.

2. listen to new music to see if you can find more that makes you happy.

3. don’t make fun of or judge other people’s taste in music. no matter what.

desperately wanting something but not being able to describe what it is you want. its not any physical item, its a state of being, one you’ve never had before but you still long for it when someone asks you what you want to do for your future

you’re six years old and sleeping over your grandparent’s house. they wrap you up in blankets, make you hot chocolate, and you ask them about what their lives were like. you had no idea your grandma and grandpa were so cool. 

youve numbed yourself to feeling strongly about people. you associate trust with pain, love with guilt, and kindness with manipulation and everything just kind of cancels out. then you meet someone who changes that, who you really feel you can trust and love and any pain will be worth the risk. and all the feelings come back. 

that little sound you hear in your ears when you’re falling asleep on the couch after a sleepless night. your dream world starts to overtake reality and you feel like you can finally relax as light drips through your windows and the birds sing you lullabies. 

having to kiss your summer love goodbye

back on that school grind, studying HARD getting those GOOD GRADES

do i smell halloween? (feat. some halloween songs you HAVENT heard a million times, also some you have)