I've done things, cookie earning things

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

im angry at myself for walking into that so perfectly

What the fuck does the back end of this website look like

Say you'll stay with me blogging until the horse poll closes

Boss tries to fire me for poor performance but I punch the ground and spit out blood and say "No... this isn't how this ends" while my leitmotif plays

Boss fires me for my poorly-composed leitmotif

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

Not book smart or street smart but a secret third thing.

supid

supid.

nobody numa numas like they used to

(wistfully) mai-ia-hee... mai-ia- hoo....

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

becoming a member of the ageing tumblr populace will have you typing shit like 'why am i always buying new tubes of toothpaste' and posting it to your followers with zero thought zero hesitation like yuuuup. really knocked it out of the park with this one

not to sound like Captain James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise but I really do enjoy the way Spock very often just straight up bends over his station and only looks over his shoulder, ass still out, when reporting his scientific findings