please let me out of the censored blog penalty box

holster dm's parse to invite him to the haus the first time and he is completely clueless about the reality of the jackparse situation so he is THRILLED that stanley cup winner kent parson responded to his message and actually showed up, not knowing that 1. he has just obliterated jack's sense of security and 2. kent does NOT care about holster at all he is just trying to get to jack

Jack slander: wears a black suit to the Met Gala

jack zimmermann in high school was like “i am insane 🤪😡 ” and that made him self destructive and kind of an asshole because he was overwhelmed and didn’t know why his brain was doing the things it was doing to him. And so he drank and he partied and he let kent parson pierce his ears one night after a party neither of them really wanted to be at, and he talked back to coaches because obviously he knew better than everybody. And everyone knew who Jack Zimmermann was in an “oh yeah, that motherfucker’s crazy,” kind of way, in a, “he walked the mile even though he’s a semi-professional athlete because he didn’t want to and he thought it was a waste of time,” way, in a , “did you hear that zimmermann blacked out last night and then scored a hat trick during the game?” kind of way

#everyone always uses holsom's vague homoerotic best broship as the example of crossing the line into romance #when shitty ''no boundaries with friends'' knight and jack ''cant tell romantic and platonic affection apart'' zimmermann are right there #ransom and holster saw shitty lying naked in jack's bed their freshman year and were like ''okay so best friends can be a lil homoerotic'' #saw shitty kiss jack on the lips after they wrestled in the living room and were like ''see us making out was totally a bro thing'' #what im getting at is that holsom kept modeling their friendship on jack and shitty #nobody in smh can tell when homoerotic friendships dip into romances bc this is their basis #jack and shitty are like ''this is my first best friend ever and there is nothing he can do to get rid of me now’' @crywalkrs​

Jack: Ten years ago I convinced an acquaintance of mine that I had no idea what SNL was. Today I’m hosting.