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Still learning.

I love seeing other people make the overblown OOPS I FORGOT SOMETHING performance for no-one that most of us do when we have to turn around in the middle of the pavement.

- when someone thinks no one’s paying attention and they sing-talk themselves thru a task

- when people are looking for scissors, in their home or in a store, and they make the scissors gesture with their non-dominant hand as an aid to remind them what they’re doing.

- when automatic social interactions glitch, like when you tell a waiter that you hope he enjoys his food too, or tell the stranger on the phone that you love them. 

- the hand gesture people make when they’re thinking at their computer, not typing, and their elbow rests on the table, and they feel the edge of their fingernail with their thumb. This is such a lovely little gesture and to my knowledge I have never seen it in fiction. You’d think it would come up all the time in fic.

- when you’re sharing an experience with a complete stranger (like watching a seagull throw up in public, or waiting for a late train) and you make eye contact, and some comment to each other, and then you guys are, like, ALLIES now. Like you would willingly ride to war to save them. You can’t make eye contact again, but you are very aware of them. 

We were there, sixteen year old me and seventeen year old her, holding hands and window-shopping, minding our own business.

This Salvation Army shitheel gets aggro about it in the middle of the mall and I’m there totally flabbergasted cause like, it’s christmas

Only, 16!Tabi had even less composure than 26!Tabi, so I lost my fucking mind on her.

Thing is: when I’m really angry, I don’t rage, I go all cold and apparently that freaks people out, because I could see my gf backing up and the lady getting tense and then I realized that anger doesn’t solve problems.

So instead, I started wailing.

Picture this: 5’4, tiny, blonde haired high school girl with her little violin on her back and pearls in her ears just as PTA-approved as could be, full on sobbing in the hallway.

Just, sobbing like my dog’s been shot.

Now my gf’s like, “oh fuck” and the lady’s like “oh fuuuuck!” and I’m here, head thrown back, tears down my cheeks and in that shrill, distressed, /loud/ voice, “WHY WOULD YOU B-b-be so MEAN?! It’s CHRISTMAS!”

And the lady’s like “please stop Oh fuck” because now we have a crowd, and this Molly Weasley of a woman putters over, “what’s the matter, dear?”

And mall security’s coming and this bell ringer is looking very uncomfortable so I just look at this matronly ellen-watching suburban housewife lady, eyes wide and wet and my lip wobbling.

“I was, she s-said, s-s-she said I was going to HELL!”

And I burst right back into tears.

Maaaaaaaan, they didn’t even stick around to ask why she’d said it. Soon as I said it, Mall po-po bounced her like a fucking pogo stick.

We get outside and my girlfriend’s like “that is the most Slytherin thing I have ever seen anyone do.”

So yeah, they’re not just ‘homophobic’, they’re bigoted fucking murderers.

(Wikipedia article on her death conveniently (for SA) omits Salvation Army connection, linking only to expired articles from local newspapers)

SA claims that they didn’t turn her away, and accept all homeless people, except, it’s not like Jennifer Gale was only trans woman refused shelter by Salvation Army, making this denial appear to be worth less than bullshit:

https://thinkprogress.org/salvation-army-refuses-housing-shelter-to-transgender-woman-2660c79b4cd4#.bo53qrxf9

you’ll notice yourself spiraling and think “I know how to handle this”.

that wave of old, bad feelings will wash over you and you’ll realize it hasn’t happened in a while, and this time you’re able to feel it and process it and let it go.

To the people who will have to learn how to live with and manage their symptoms long term.

To the people who will always be sick and disabled no matter how hard they work or how many healthy choices they make.

To the people who will have to spend their whole lives working around and accommodating limits and impairments which most people don’t have to worry about.

To the people who have to figure out how to live a good and fulfilling life WITH their illness/disability and its symptoms.

To the people who will have to go “this is as good as it gets and that’s okay” even though they’re still struggling more than most people.

To the people who’ll never be able to put their diagnosis behind them.

a compilation of all my planned good omens studies/recreations to commemorate finishing this project! they’ve been a great learning experience, and a bit of a trip down memory lane, though i must admit the monet ones are probably my favourite.