daddy lessons

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

ashes to ashes, dust to dust, reeses to pieces

And sluts to sluts.

amen

Going to the dentist is such an embarrassing experience. Sorry that my tongue is in the way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having a tongue

I hate when I get two problems in a row. They’re all gonna think I’m making it up.

well well well if it isn’t my own mental illness coming to mentally ill me

(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

*intrusive thought occurs* mods ban that guy for at least thirty minutes

something interesting is that you can have a good day but feel weird the whole time so actually it was a weird day

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in

in the long search for 'sexy words for vagina that a transmasc character who wishes to avoid commonly feminine terms might use for gender reasons', i fear we have overlooked a really good and funny one: call it a character's 'manhood' and see if readers work it out through context

straight people dont get the concept of a bop like i asked my straight friend for some bops and she suggested the beatles…never doing that again