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me not understanding a movie: wow… the cinnamon tography

if i was a skeleton i would just say “that really rattles my bones” in response to literally everything

I am cracking TF UP

I actually hate being sappy like I’ll say “I missed you today” then immediately drag them to diffuse the situation

“Where were you today? I missed u. Thought ya lil ugly ass went and joined the soul circus”

I relate to the phrase “chillin like a villain” because it shows that I’m calm but also ready to sin

i went to the gym today and there was a guy going to TOWN on the punching bags so i asked him “rough night?” and he said “my wife’s on a business trip and i miss her” and if that isnt the most steve rogers thing in the world idk what is

*wakes up* oh fuck i need to protect women *runs out into heavy traffic*

bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24-7 going “saw a snail today…. effervescent” or some shit equivalent