CNC is Safe

trans women tend to get the inverse in the sense that you could put bottom on every piece of your profile every third word and ppl would still try to get you to top but then ofc the ones who prefer a transfemme who bottoms are the "straight men" experimenting with being gay by topping trans women and femboys and then saying theyre still straight because it was a woman (even if they dont remotely treat you like one) and like these sound like opposite experiences but theyre also remarkably the same thing no???

I think ultimately it's the same result/experience that's being reached by a different methodology.

I think we can say that the experience of being viewed by cisgender men as a flexible gender that can be used for gay sexual exploration while still permitting cis men to affirm their masculinity/heterosexuality, is shared by trans people across the gender spectrum. The methodology of that involves misgendering trans women and transfem people during sex and misgendering trans men and transmasc people after sex, with the knowledge that these cis men are only "affirming" our genders when they do for their own personal gain, which is ultimately dehumanizing us.

Similarlly, the experience of being reduced to or assumed to be top/bottom based on presumed genital configuration. The experience is the same: people use bioessentialism to dictate how trans people should have sex.

For trans women and transfem people this shows up as "we except you to top, becouse we have assumed you have a penis, and people with penis's top." and for trans men and transmasc people this shows ups as "we expect you to bottom, because we have assumed you have a vagina, and people with vagiana's bottom".

Who is this survey for?

Non feedists. If you are in a feedist relationship but don't identify as a feedist, feel free to answer. (Feedists please don't answer because obviously your answers would all be positive. Reblogging to encourage others to answer is encouraged. If you're in the feedist closet and you want to recommend it to friends, you could try saying "I just learned about this kink through this survey, maybe you would like to take it and learn about it?" If you have the type of relationship for it) There are options for asexuals throughout.

All questions are optional, so if something isn't applicable/you don't want to answer it, you don't have to. There is an "other" option for each question, but please try to use the preselected multiple choice unless you really don't feel like any apply. If I get a ton of responses it will be easier to look at the responses if they're preselected.

There's 35-40 questions, I expect it should take around 20 minutes to take.

When does it close/when will the results be published?

I think the only time I've seen this type of post be about topping/domming specifically is when it's about trans men, and a good chunk of those come with that icky "because no true trans man would willingly have sex that way" feeling. #Justice for exclusive domtops.

If you have ANY kinks, is one of them petplay? is one of them watersports/piss?

options yes, petplay yes, watersports both neither but some other kink My kink is bald

bro the fuckin thing where people will stretch q condom over their arm and go "if it can fit my arm it can fit a penis, don't ever let anyone tell you that their penis is too big for condoms!!!" because that shits a bad demo. like I understand the intent but if I stretch a sweatshirt over a chair that doesn't mean it fits WELL, it just means you can stretch something out of shape if you try hard enough. genuinely penises and condoms both come in different sizes and it IS important to use a condom that actually fits correctly, and that nuance is totally lost in that demo.

"you can't just judge someone by their kinks" what about raceplay?

"kinks don't affect you unless you're the one engaging in it" what about raceplay?

"if you dislike seeing a kink just block or blacklist, it's not like it's hurting you" what about raceplay?

I think people refuse to ever bring it up on the "pro kink" side of things because it exposes such a glaring hole in the argument. If you are disseminating raceplay kink, you are willfully spreading racist ideas and exposing others to it. If you are engaging in this kink you are choosing to indulge your unhealthy racist beliefs about other races for your own pleasure, regardless of the mental toll that might have on you OR how it might affect your treatment of other people, especially underprivileged people, in your life. Spreading or sharing raceplay even within a kink-friendly space inherently makes that space unsafe for some people, namely people of color.

I think it's actually very easy to work out a nuanced stance on accepting Most kinks if you're willing to consider things like raceplay exist, because yeah...some kinks actually aren't okay. You cannot practice raceplay in a way that will not affect you. You cannot share content of it in a way that does not create an unsafe kink space for people of color. You NEED to understand that even within kink, some lines and boundaries need to be established, and it is not in fact anti-progressive to say this. It is in fact MORE progressive to oust raceplay weirdos from your kink spaces to protect people of color and LESS progressive to simply defend it under a "kink positive" flag.

Like not only should I, as a person of color, be free from the fetishization that is part and parcel of race-based kinks, I should not have to worry about it being disseminated in my communities or having kink positive spaces simply let it slide because it's "just a kink."

Do you enjoy spreading racist misinformation for fun, or do you get something else out of it?

Because, see, the thing you're doing here is saying that people of colour must use our sex lives to educate and improve the white observer's racial frameworks.

You're saying we owe our entire sex lives to the greater good.

Or did you just truly, honestly forget that THE BULK OF RACEPLAYERS ARE PEOPLE FROM THE RACES BEING PLAYED?

You've turned 'Japanese woman wears kimono while fucking her Black boyfriend' into 'These people of colour are Ruining Our Good Upstanding Reputation With The Whites'.

You've concocted a way to turn your christocentric antisex disgust reflex into clout from other people so equally disgusted by sex that they don't notice they're puking all over nonwhite people.

You are LITERALLY telling people it is GOOD to be REVOLTED BY INTERRACIAL SEX and you're calling that antiracism.

So, I return to my original query:

Is it just for fun, that you tell people that nonwhite sexuality is immoral and abhorrent? Or is it just for the praise of your sex-negative followers?

Oh BTW, if someone is forcing you to have sex in a way you don't consent to, that isn't being ~kink positive~ that is being a rapist.

Conflating all kinks you don't like with raping you as an act of racial hatred?

The amount of non-Jews who took issue with it, treated me as suspicious, and interrogated me about aspects of my life, is out of proportion.

I wish we lived in a pro kink utopia where everyone accepts everything and the op is like a lone beacon of criticism. But unfortunately people in kink spaces still very much hate other kinks.