Still trying to come to terms with the fact I’ll never be a librarian who can speak a dead language and be recruited by a ruggish but handsome explorer for a quest to lift the curse and save the world

because of the pandemic travel restrictions?

Because of the pandemic travel restrictions.

i’ve had the phrase “little guy dot com” stuck in my head for the past three days. it just loops and loops and loops. “i’m going to www.littleguy.com” or “why don’t you visit littleguy.com and maybe you’ll calm down” etc, etc

Being kind to ghosts is a Jewish value

I was just telling my coworkers today about how part of the official Passover cedar is literally summoning an ancient ghost to get drunk with you and I didn’t quite realize how wild Judaism is until I had to explain that

Objection: Elijah never died, so whatever he is, it isn’t a ghost.

That’s my grandpa

Elijah Never Died He Tucked His Arms And Legs Into His Belley. Curled Up Into A Ball. And He Just Rolled Away.

We have no conclusive proof that Elijah wasn’t always eight feet tall and translucent. 

Because I will never be able to eat lava… (I pause to look pleadingly at a volcanologist, they sternly, subtly shake their head no. It is clear this is an old, ongoing argument.) …. my prevailing theory is it has a texture of very thick honey.

early homo sapiens b like help i cant stop making bowls . help i cant stop domesticating plants and animals. help i cant stop developing language and architecture and religion

hi waiter could I get the spaghetti I promise I’ll behave this time