certified clownologist

the last thing i'll say is this: i'm an adult, more grown than i was before and growing everyday, and i can confidently admit that i could've been braver about communicating things some years ago. i've gotten better at it, discovering a lot more things about myself and realizing my own self worth has helped me get better at it. i can also admit that like everyone else, i am human and i make mistakes.

what i won't admit is that i'm an awful person or a selfish coward just because i chose to not reconnect with someone i had moved on from, where a boundary had been made, because of an unfortunate passing. am i sad that her mom passed? absolutely i am, she was an amazing woman and i find it deeply unfair that it's always the best people who leave this world too soon. do i feel guilty for not reconnecting when she reached out to me? no, firstly because i didn't even see the message for months because i am not active here. and secondly because she circumnavigated the boundaries i set to send the message to me. making a new account to get around being blocked is a violation of a boundary. screenshotting my post so she can post it publicly on her twitter to get her twitter followers support and approval about what a piece of shit i am certainly isn't going to accomplish anything. seeking out my sisters after i've not responded to the first one is a violation of a boundary. regardless of how many years we were friends, how inseparable we were, how much we meant to each other, purposely getting around the boundaries i set is disrespectful.

we were good friends, best friends for years, but friendships don't always last a lifetime. and getting blasted on twitter about how she "questions my grasp on reality and emotions" and how i'm an awful, selfish piece of shit when she hasn't known me and the person i've grown into for YEARS now has only soiled every good memory i had left.