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fallingtowers

my promising gardening career was cut short when i was mauled by a rampaging basil plant

hylianane

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

maseratus

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

mousidy

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

mousidy

bisthefairy

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

digitaldiscipline

batrachised

TIL that in medieval times trebuchets were sometimes used during tournaments to bombard the watching ladies with roses, and there is something so inherently comedic about this to me. picture me blasting roses at my lover's window with the force of a battlefield assault to win her hand

batrachised

@taciturn-nerd @beautifulscreaminglady I'm cackling

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

uncertainlys

ever since i was a little girl i knew i didnt have a competitive spirit

wyrmicelli

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

ravioliet

i literally love saying "ON IT BOSS!!!!!" whenever someone asks me to do something like i'm some sort of henchman. it doesn't matter if they're my boss or not for real even because in the moment they are, and whatever they requested of me i'm on it

kaijufluffs

She's being so big and brave.

sizvideos

This campaign defies censorship in social media to raise awareness for early detection of breast cancer

iamanemotionaltimebomb

this is actually super fucking smartass of them

snake-lady

Reblogging as this is so important everyone! My mum had breast cancer and that shit is not nice so please check yourself ladies and gents! 💕💕💕

tkthegoddess

Always a reblog. 💋

lyra-invisa

I will forever reblog this when I see it because its so important

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

mossworm

I got this little dragon from a kinder egg so he holds my darner needle now

mossworm

I have work to do but...

knightclubbing

my liege is that item on the shelf too high for you to reach? fear not, i shall grab it for you. HNNNNNGHHH MMMMMHHGGH HHHHHHHH (cant reach it either)well shit my liege

notatzimisce

I will never shy away from the word goon. goon is the only way to describe a particular type of henchman, lackey, or thug. look at these guys. they're goons.

gaybichon

i think i found my new favorite artist on twitter

(source)

gaybichon

👆 me

mmilhouse

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

what-even-is-thiss

I still like the term parental unit that we used to use as a joke in middle school and high school. Did everyone else do that or was it just a my social circles thing?

Anyways telling the kids to go collect their parental units at the end of an event is a) funny b) gender neutral and c) just refers to the person currently doing your parenting

Also if you’re on joking terms with your parents “greetings, child” “greetings, parental unit” is a top tier greeting. Makes you sound like robot aliens.

all-vampires-are-gay

Every glasses-related poll honestly needs to be separated into diopter ranges like wrestling weight classes bc every timeeeeee these +1.25 bitches are in the notes like "OMG why would you wear glasses in the shower!! why would you wear glasses having sex!!" because without them i am functionally blind. you may as well turn the lights off at that point bc i am feeling my way to the pussy like Velma. those are my eyes, bitch

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