cizzy

- comes in on four hours of sleep because he was rewriting one sentence for two hours at 2 in the morning

- has an extremely specific gripe with one very niche convention in his field, and will tell you about it

- has fallen asleep facedown in freshly inked parchment more than once

- irritates his colleagues because he’s always late on his departmental teaching paperwork, but he has tenure so there’s nothing they can do

- has VERY STRONG OPINIONS about other academics and their research or lack thereof

- is generally seen as both a brilliant academic and an absolute madman

But then Hollander seems,,, weirdly pleased?? And,,, actually complies?? Before practically skipping off, like he got what he wanted?? What??

And then they're texting back and forth and Ilya still partly thinks this is some kind of long con, but then it's been weeks and then it's been longer and suddenly they're at the draft and Shane is looking around the room and when he spots Ilya his entire face lights up and he's making a beeline for Ilya and he's still smiling as he says "Ilya!" like he's happy to see him,,, because he IS happy to see him. Because they've been messaging basically constantly for months now and oh fuck oh shit Ilya is so so deeply screwed.

Except, sometimes, between all the hockey videos Shane gets on the rare occasions Ilya sees him scrolling through Instagram, he'll get a video of otters. And to Ilya's surprise, Shane almost always sits through the whole thing.

This seems so out of left-field that Ilya ends up texting Yuna about it. He'd ask Shane about it, but he's scared that he'll get embarrassed and stop watching them when Ilya's around. Yuna immediately texts back like, "Oh yeah, Shane loves otters. Always has. He hasn't told you about Wa?"

And Ilya's heart immediately beats faster in that way it does when he learns something new and unexpected about his husband.

"No he has not. What is a 'Wa'?"

He gets sent a photo a few minutes later of what was probably once a very cute otter plushie, but is now squashed beyond all recognition and missing an eye and an ear.

"Sorry, it was hidden in the back of his closet so I had to dig it out. This is Wa. Or Otter-Wa. David called him that as a joke and it stuck. We got it because Shane was upset we couldn't take the otters home with us, and it became his favorite toy. He wouldn't go anywhere without it."

Ilya is, of course, delighted to learn this and immediately begins plotting.

A few months later, on Shane's birthday, Ilya leads him blindfolded to the surprise he's organised for him.

"I hear water. Baby, you didn't just drag me to a pool after hours, did you? Because I've talked to the contractors and we can install a pool if that's what you want."

And Ilya laughs as he undoes the blindfold, revealing the otter enclosure.

"After all these years I hope that my surprises are a little bit better than that."

And Ilya watches as Shane's eyes fill with tears as he realises where he is.

"Otters?" he asks, looking at Ilya in wonder. "But how did you... I've never told you about the otters."

"You didn't need to," he says with a shrug. "I pay attention to my beautiful husband when he does things. I thought you might like to actually meet some."

"Ready for introductions?" asks one of the zookeepers, and Ilya nods, following them over to the pool.

"But how... Ilya this must have cost a fortune."

And Ilya laughs again at that, pressing a kiss to Shane's cheek.

Ilya and Shane Billeting a Russian rookie (fresh from overseas) because he speaks like 0 English.

Ilya and Shane being super tense about it and completely neutralizing their PDA.

When the rookie is included in conversations about what life is like at the Hollanov house he gets confused. The questions are like "Ugh I bet their PDA is soo excessive" or "How do you survive having to watch them make eyes at each other all the time" or "Did they soundproof your room?" .... the rookie is all like "IDK they are just like...dudes...and they are nice but scary?"

He works out with Shane or Ilya when he is at home, he plays with Anya, he does his chores from the chore board, he eats dinner with Ilya and Shane and sometimes their friends and family, he watches movies with them...the whole time they do NOT act like a couple to the point that the rookie starts to think that it all could be some sort of LGBTQ Western Propaganda.

Ilya is well...Ilya...he is the captain and he is a bastard - he is standoffish and rude (to Shane specifically...and also everyone around them)

Shane is...well he looks like a very handsome Uzbek man and is very stoic - maybe even cold and closed off. He does not take the piss out of him when he explains something (unlike Ilya) but he would not really be described as 'kind'.