cringe is dead, create meaningful chaos

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

happy decade to the horrible beast i have wrought

girl with ptsd voice: hey, so something really bad is gonna happen, right? you guys are picking up on that too, yeah? The other shoe is about to drop, I just know it.

*Columbo voice* So you were reading posts on Tumblr? Oh, that's a great website. My wife has an account on there. She showed me one about the color of the sky? Funny stuff. Although there is one thing, sir. How could you have been reading a post when no one on Tumblr has any media literacy?

oh yes, i remember now. i was reading my own post i had just written. i'm a stickler for the details you know. here you can even see the time stamp indicating the moment of posting. clearly i was busy elsewhere when the murder happened now if you'll excuse me, there's a callout post i've been meaning to tend to

That explains it, sir. You know, at the station they always tell me I sweat the little stuff too much. But that must be how you have... what is it, sir? 500 followers? Very impressive. Well, I'll get out of your hair. Wouldn't want to get in the way of social justice. Oh, there is one more thing. There's this tag on the bottom of your post. Is that what you call those? Tags? I wonder where you get a name like that. Anyway, I didn't understand it. It says "queue be continued". I hope I pronounced that right. What does that mean, sir?

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

you make one fucking post where the point is “women are encouraged to develop disordered eating from a very young age and that impacts how we view the ‘natural’ size and shape of women” and too many reblogs later i am being accused of saying short people wouldn’t exist if they ate better growing up. i’m sorry but if you genuinely think i was saying that you are just a buffoon. i cannot and will not sanction your buffoonery.

let’s be real the pressure to use AI as an adult is exactly what they said the pressure the do drugs as a teenager would be like but the people that told us that caved immediately for the AI and definitely did not just say no

hi its nice to meet you :) (uses my ability to implant memories of us being childhood friends into your subconscious so you already like me) i mean hey its been so long howve you been hows your mom (remembers your mom died when you were very young and i had implanted memories of comforting you at the funeral) uhhh i mean your other mom (implants memories of your dad transitioning)

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

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DIG

DIG

DIG

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DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

the issue with growing up in the 2000s and 2010s was like there was this really big push toward "accepting your weirdness" overall but they meant like idk wearing mismatched socks or something not being tangibly beyond the norm in any way shape or form

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

on july 4th 1776, america was founded. this has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.