casual existential despair

EN translation of the title from Italy: “Does the Covid 19 vaccine make you gay? You wish! Unfortunately, science does not work miracles.”

YOU WISH!

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

The teenager at my job is so funny, she jokingly asked how my break was after I came back from the bathroom and after I said "can't a bitch change their pad in peace?" She said "a real nine to fiver would get a hysterectomy." There was no hesitation, no gap between what I said and what she said

“are you afab or amab?” i am acrab. 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

assigned crustacean at birth

Was walking my dog downtown and he stopped to drink from a dog bowl in front of a bar and I was like “Oh, are you a thirsty little boy?” And a grown-ass man sitting there said “i guess I am,” as he took a sip of his beer and then he realized I was not talking to him and looked completely horrified

#id fuck him

new advanced pegrancy test that can tell whether you're pregnort, pregananant or even gregnant

I give these to you as a joke gift. You slip them on, laughing. You stand in them, finding the inner sole of the shoe was false and your foot punches straight through onto the dice below. Roll for damage.

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