love and human remains

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Sort Of, Situationships, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Tuna Melt Canon Divergence, Pre-Tuna Melt, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ilya Rozanov Fucked Around Now He's Finding Out

"Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.

Svetlana: I'm going to fucking kill you

Ilya quirks an eyebrow.

Between his nationality, his profession, his love life, and the way he generally behaves as a human being, Ilya is very used to receiving death threats. This isn't the even the first one this week.

He does worry, sometimes, what he will do if he ever runs out of clever ways to reply.

Ilya: I will still be hotter than you Ilya: And richer Ilya: I hope you're not plotting my murder for the inheritance because no one is getting shit from me, it's all going to my massive fucking tombstone Ilya: And a solid gold statue of me Ilya: Outside the mausoleum I will build for all my trophies

I have already sent the concept art to my law—he's halfway through typing out, when Svetlana's reply finally pops up.

Svetlana: You gave me fucking CHLAMYDIA

Ilya Rozanov + Teeth